• RSS
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
AdLib On December - 25 - 2015

Merry-Christmas-Photo

Merry Christmas to all!

As our fellow Planeteers know, we always like to spread the Christmas spirit on this day to folks on both sides of the aisle. So this year we’ve invited both Republican and Democratic Presidential candidates to join hands and sing their favorite Christmas carols together, celebrating the joy and love of this wonderful day.

So here are a variety of politicians singing their favorite Christmas songs…perhaps not exactly as you remember them:

DONALD TRUMP – “WHITE CHRISTMAS”

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the jackboots glisten and klansmen listen
To dog whistles in my show

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Mexican I slime
May your Muslims quiver in fright
And may all your Christmases be white

JEB BUSH – “I’M GETTIN’ NUTTIN’ FOR CHRISTMAS”

I broke my state on Georgie’s run;
Somebody snitched on me.
I hid some votes and Georgie won;
Somebody snitched on me.
I wait my turn but Mommy shrugged;
I made a grab for Donald’s rug;
I shocked and awed but still got slugged;
Somebody snitched on me.

Oh, I’m gettin’ nuttin’ in polling
Mommy and Daddy are mad.
I’m getting nuttin’ in polling
‘Cause I ain’t been nuttin’ but sad.

TED CRUZ – “ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY TWO FRONT TEETH”

Everybody stops and stares at me
These two horns are gone as you can see
I don’t know just who to blame for this catastrophe
But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as can be

All I want for Christmas is my two goat horns
My two goat horns
See my two goat horns
Gee, if I could only have my two goat horns
Then I could wish you, “Merry Apocalypse!”

It seems so long since I could say
“Sister, Susie sinning with a poor Jew!”
Gosh, oh gee, how happy I’d be, if I could only gore you!

All I want for Christmas is my two front horns
My two front horns
See my two front horns
Gee, if I could only have my two front horns
Then I could wish you, “Merry Apocalypse!”

HILLARY CLINTON – THE CHRISTMAS SONG

Trump’s nuts roasting on an open fire
Bernie’s nipping at your heels
Wall Street’s bankrolls being snagged by your PAC
And you dressed up like Liberals.

Everybody knows a Clinton will triangulate
Helps to keep the polling right
Southern states with their votes all aglow
Won’t feel the Bern too much tonight

They know that Hill-ry’s on her way
She’s loaded lots of vows and goodies on her tray
And every mother’s child is gonna spy
To see if Benghazi really knows how to fly

And so I’m offering this simple phrase
To those from eighteen to ninety-two
Although it’s been said many times, many ways,
Vote Dem, don’t be a douche.

BERNIE SANDERS – FROSTY THE SNOWMAN

Bernie the Socialist, was a jowlly cranky soul,
With unruly hair and an East Coast tone, and two suits that Goodwill stole.

Bernie the Socialist, is a fairytale, they say.
Was the wealthy’s foe, but the voters know he came to life one day.

There must have been some magic in that old Dem hat they found,
For when they placed it on his head, he began to stump around!

Oh, Bernie the Socialist, was alive as he could be;
and the voters say he’d debate and speak,
of what matters to you and me.

Thumpety thump, thump, thumpety thump, thump,
look at Bernie go.
Thumpety thump, thump, thumpety thump, thump,
over Hillary’s polls.

Bernie the Socialist, knew the race was hot that day,
so he said, “Let’s run, and we’ll have some fun now, before I melt away.”

Down to the village, with a pitchfork in his hand,
Running here and there, all around the square,
sayin’, “Catch me if you can.”

He led them down the streets of town, right to Debbie Wasserman Schultz;
and only paused a moment, when he heard her holler, “Stop!”

For Bernie the Socialist, had to hurry on his way,
But he waved goodbye, sayin’ “Don’t you cry, I’ll be back again some day.”

To all of our PlanetPOV family, those who write or just read, all you of good conscience and kindness, a very Merry Christmas to you all!

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

4 Responses so far.

Click here to leave a comment
  1. jjgravitas says:

    Good job, Ads, hope you’re enjoying your holiday, & merry Xmas.

  2. Nirek says:

    Thanks for the laughs, AdLib and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  3. pinkpantheroz says:

    Hill’ry the Democrat kicked Trump’s ass and sent him back to the circus,
    Off she went to kick Trumpety Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump.
    Jeb Bush the Elephant hopped aboard and wimped his way to the party,
    Off he went to kick Trumpety Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump.

  4. Kalima says:

    This is simply wonderful, AdLib. A delightful way to start my Boxing Day morning.

    Thought this quote by Henry Fielding should come as a warning to those willing to vote for anyone more extreme than the republican extremists. I think a vote for someone like Trump is a sign of desperation from losers
    needing their fix of hate.

    When you are actually able to think about it, most of their economic woes are legislated by their elected government officials and governors, and their paranoia is escalated by the fringe nutters in office too. Their boogeymen are their own people leading them by their nose rings.

    Funnily enough I have read over and over again that up to his first attempt to run for the WH, Trumpy was actually quite liberal. Either he’s playing them, or he’s as dumb as a door without handles.

    Thanks so much for the laughs. Always a real treat!

    Considering the unforeseen events of this world, we should be taught that no human condition should inspire men with absolute despair.

    Henry Fielding


Leave your Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.


Back to top
PlanetPOV Tweets
Ongoing Stories
Features