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AdLib On April - 9 - 2014

Bizarro Superman GOP

PlanetPOV was invited to host an interview with Bizarro Superman on his home planet of Bizarro World. What appears to be the motivation behind this is the filing of a lawsuit by him and his planet against the GOP and many specific Republican politicians and pundits, claiming that they have been plagiarizing his speeches and policies, as leader of his Planet.

Following is a transcript of that interview which was broadcast on their planet last night:

PPOV:  Hello, Bizarro Superman, a pleasure to meet you.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Goodbye. Me am nauseous at meeting you.

PPOV: Those who aren’t familiar with you and your planet should understand that you often say and do the opposite of what we on Earth would do or say in the same situation. Isn’t that correct?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: No.

PPOV: Bizarro Superman, you have filed a plagiarism lawsuit against America’s Republican Party, why is that?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Me quite sad you ask that. It all start when me get satellite call from Karl Rove and Koch Brothers. They find out that me am leader of planet and me am Republican.

PPOV: Really? You’re Republican?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Of course! Everyone on Planet backward thinking like me. All am Republicans!

PPOV: Wow, so you only have one party on your Planet, just Republicans? So when you ran to be leader…

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Me ran unopposed as Republican but somehow me still lose. Maybe me shouldn’t say me starve everyone and kick them out of homes but that am Republican platform here.

PPOV: Our planets are amazingly alike. So if you lost, how did you become leader?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: We Republicans! Biggest losers get to be leaders!

PPOV: What did Karl Rove and the Koch Brothers want to talk to you about?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN:  They hear about speeches me give that make people follow me so they ask to watch me and come with me to rallies. Me introduce them as enemies of all of us and them given very warm welcome.

PPOV: I guess Republicans are the same all over.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: First day they come, me give speech on fair pay for women. Me explain that everyone want fair pay for women but asking for it is not fair. Me say, “Me know women get less pay for same job but speaking for all women as man, what feel worse to women is everyone knowing it. So me decree, on behalf of women, no one talk about it anymore.” Problem solved!

PPOV: Fascinating, that is the same meme we hear today from America’s Republicans.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: That am why I sue! There am more! Me promise to stop poverty so me give lots of money to wealthy and me cut food, money and school for poor. Me make speech, “Only reason there am poor people am because they get help they need when they am poor. Once me stop them from getting money, food and place to live, then they stop having symptom of being poor which am getting help from government so that make them no longer poor.  Now they am not poor so they not need help.

PPOV: Have you had to deal with issues regarding the right to vote?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Never. Like last week, me sign law to stop all people who not vote for me from voting because me want to stop octopuses from voting.

PPOV: Octopi?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: No, me am cutting down on desserts.

PPOV: Has that actually been a problem? Octopi voting?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: They am so sneaky, we never catch them even one time! That make it necessary to stop all citizens that not vote for me from voting so we can protect their right to vote from being corrupted by sneaky octopuses.

PPOV: We’ve recently had a Supreme Court ruling that furthered previous rulings, saying that corporations are people, money is speech and wealthy people donating millions to politicians doesn’t buy them influence.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Hah! That sound like Bizarro Constitution! Bizarro World founded on belief that all Bizarros are created unequal. Them who have lots of money am equal but them who don’t aren’t. In Bizarro World, money am people and money have right to vote. Citizens who not have money am not people and only have right to buy guns. That remind me, me sign “Stand On Ground” bill too, which give right to people to shoot anyone if they stand on the ground. This am what make me smile so much, Karl Rove and Koch Brothers steal my words and laws to use on Earth and me not get credit or lots of people.

PPOV: You mean money?

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Same thing.

PPOV: Well, I wish you good luck with your pursuits. We want to thank you, the people of Bizarro World and this station, the Bizarro News Network for this opportunity to interview you.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: Bizarro News Network am best too. They not cover most news, just show same two or three stories and make up lots of things about them and play with computers and toys for audience which am like little kids. Me guess BNN very different from news stations on Earth.

PPOV: Just by one letter. Once again, thank you so much. We hope we can do this again.

BIZARRO SUPERMAN: You am not welcome. Hello.

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

21 Responses so far.

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  1. Assumed Name says:

    There was a nice discussion about this on The Diane Rhem (sp?) show. A real problem is the cultural distaste for speaking frankly about salaries--and even worse if you complain (gripe) about your salary (after all, of a piece with the Protestant work ethic is that the poor must be so as a result of inferior effort). What people often fail to consider is that employer reporting of salaries mapped onto both demographics and credentials doesn’t entail disclosing any one individual’s earnings (unless that individual is the CEO or some such). From the point of view of fundamental fairness, this really should be a no brainer.

    • AdLib says:

      Assumed, good to see you!

      It is actually a very cynical fraud that companies and corporations employ, cloaking their desire to depress salaries using secrecy as “respecting privacy” and protecting confidential company information. As you say, they know full well that disclosing average salaries for different demographics invades no one’s privacy.

      The true motivation is the same as why they don’t want unions. When people are informed about what’s going on in their company, they can come together and protest unfairness. As long as women don’t know that the man working right beside them is making 30% more than they are. how can they complain?

      And it is again, a propaganda tool of the wealthy, which we’ve seen on display as the Repubs have pushed back against income disparity, that people are poor solely because they are lazy and people are rich solely because they work harder than those who aren’t.

      The figures on the wealthy being so because they were simply lucky to be born to wealthy parents (like Donald Trump, Mitt Romney, George Bush, etc.) are much more instructive. I suppose all the trust fund kids out there are never lazy and work so hard? Who works harder than a single mom with two or three jobs?

  2. pinkpantheroz says:

    The late, great, Professor Stanley Unwin is Bizarro’s uncle, and explains the whole concept of his planet in the following:


    and then gives the interviewer the fingermole.

  3. Kalima says:

    Bizarro Superman looks like a cross between Mitt The Twit, Teddy Cruzing and Michele Bachmann. It a wonder that he’s got any planet left to rule.

    Very funny AdLib. :)

    • AdLib says:

      Bizarro Mitt was perfect Bizarro candidate. Him say opposite of whatever he just say one second before. Bizarro Cruz love logic like all Bizarros and that am why he never use it. Bizarro Bachmann inherit eyes from Bizarro family and miss flat planet of Bizarro World. We am happy for her to come home after this year and we am going to celebrate by exiling her.

  4. kesmarn says:

    Goodbye! Me just watch BOX Bizarro News (“Fairly Unbalanced.” “We Report Lies. You Decide That You Believe Them.”)

    They report story of Appalling Ryan’s words. He say Medicaid make people sicker. Proof? He say: “People on Medicaid see doctor much more often than people who have no health insurance at all.” Conclusion: Take away Medicaid. People get healthy!

    Could be people on Medicaid go to see doctor more because they no longer fear bankruptcy if they get care?

    NOOOO! (Me mean “Yes!’) That am Socialist.

    BOX News tell me Medicaid must make people sick, so me believe! BOX not lie.

    Me learning to think from watching BOX. New idea: We give money to rich people, they trickle on us? What you think?

    Oh. In case you think me make up Appalling Ryan words, here they am:

    http://www.salon.com/2014/03/05/paul_ryans_every_distortion_fact_checking_his_anti_poverty_plan/

    On pay for lady persons. BOX say lady persons feel “patronized” by Socialist President noting that they make less money than men persons. Me talk to lady person on earth Planet name of “kes” about this.

    She say: “Please patronize me.”

    That am all.

    • AdLib says:

      Me watch Box News too! Me hate news so Box am my favorite channel.

      Me like Appalling Ryan, he think like us. Me also find amazing fact that people in hospital need more medical care than people who run marathons. So me come up with great health care policy, close hospitals and make sick and old people run marathons. Then everyone am healthy!

      Old people only get sick because they have Medicare, that am fact which me just make up. Take away Medicare and old people say, “Now that me have to pay from little money me have, me stop having heart transplant me not need and just have for fun.”

      Me hear my brain words on Box News. Last, there am not pay inequality for women. Next to last, women deserve being paid less because they am able to have babies. Eighth, it demean women to say them have pay inequity and worse than them getting paid less. First, it am patronizing to support women getting paid same as men, instead, am not being patronizing to pay women less. Me hate logic.

      Me left out racial issue. It am racist to call someone racist who say racist things. This am no-brainer and no-brainers know this.

      Hello!

      • kesmarn says:

        Me like the way you (not) think!

        Me never thought of racist issue. But then, me never think much, period, so nothing new there.

        Ooooh! Squirrel on BOX News! Wearing stiletto heels too!

    • Kalima says:

      Dumber or more nonsensical words have never left his mean, ugly, alien mouth. He is such an idiot. Him am Bizarro Dumb. My face just reacted as if I had eaten a raw lemon. 😯

      • kesmarn says:

        Unbelievable, isn’t it, Kalima? Ryan actually felt that the proper conclusion to draw from the fact that uninsured people don’t go to see the doctor, while people on Medicaid do, was that Medicaid was making them ill.

        That truly is Bizarro World.

        And even little children in the U.S. know that day care workers (usually female) make much less than electricians (usually male). Neither job requires a college degree. And one would think that society would see the real value of either career. How can the GOP not view that as a gender-related pay inequity?

        But then that’s asking a reasonable question about unreasonable people, isn’t it? :-(

        • AdLib says:

          Bizarro Superman can answer question. Republicans like me am, just want wealthy to have all money so we not like anyone else getting money or benefits from government.

          Money am people and me want all of them to be with rest of family who am part of wealthy families. It am like kidnapping for 99% to hold money hostage from true home.

          And that am unreasonable answer from unreasonable person, me hope it am useless to you.

        • kes, electricians belong to a very powerful union, AND, there are lady electricians. Not as many as men, but they do exist.

          Maybe day care workers should form a union! 😉

        • Kalima says:

          To speak those words out loud and then not realise how incredibly stupid they sound, is a mental condition or a LOI, (lack of intelligence). Then again, Repubs can’t do the maths.

          They should be asked publicly what makes a male electrician more worthy than a female day care worker who looks after the nation’s children? I would love to hear their explanation and then bang my head on a wall for hours.

          It’s like the sheer madness of Monty Python without the humour.

          • AdLib says:

            Me think Appalling Ryan trying to help run for Republican nomination for President by showing he am idiot like base am. That am best trait for Republican candidate that want to win.

            Me hear Ryan also think that women give birth to more babies than men because men am working harder and get paid more.

            Him am great candidate so on election day, me stay home and not vote for him.

  5. Nirek says:

    Very Bizarro! I had no idea the GOP came from outer space. I just thought they had a lot of empty space in their heads.

    Very funny, Ad.


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