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AdLib On February - 24 - 2014

anti-woman sufferage

Faced with changing demographics that undercut their popularity and ability to win some statewide and national elections, the geniuses behind the party that brought you, “Shutdown at the Oh No Corral” have embarked on a new, stealth charm offensive…apparently not understanding that phrase quite so well (“So we need to be offensive in a charming way?”)

Republicans launched their new “You Can’t Spell Contemptuous Without ‘Us'” campaign under the radar last week to win over hearts and minds…then realized that their base would see that as excluding them so they decided just to win over feet and bowels.

Phase 1 was planned to go after the “Frustrated That There’s Not Enough Gay Hatred Legislation” demographic which Arizona Republicans took on in passing their Religious Freedom Bill. The logic behind it is unassailable, we all recognize that it’s wrong to limit others’ freedoms to limit others’ freedoms. In concert with this, the GOP is using MC Escher works to illustrate their logic.

Relativity

Next on the list to check off was the “Women Are Not Viewed Enough As Just Human Motels For Babies” demographic which was deftly courted by Virginia State Senator and Barefoot and Pregnant Magazine publisher Steve Martin who responded to a Valentine’s Day plea by pro-choice supporters for his support with the following:

VA STATE SENATOR STEVE MARTIN: “I don’t expect to be in the room or will I do anything to prevent you from obtaining a contraceptive. However, once a child does exist in your womb, I’m not going to assume a right to kill it just because the child’s host (some refer to them as mothers) doesn’t want it.”

As a complimentary outreach to this demographic, the GOP has arranged a licensing deal with Parker Brothers to introduce a new version of Fundamentalist Monopoly where all the houses and hotels look like pregnant women.

So, addressing voters who are gay and/or support equality in our society? Check! Addressing women voters? Check! All that’s left for Republicans to address this week in the decisive demographics arena is the Latino vote and what other state would Republicans look to for that? You guessed it, The Loon Scarred State, Texas!

Texas Republican Chris Mapp who’s running against John Cornyn in the GOP primary for U.S. Senator, cleverly slipped in the following in an interview with The San Antonio Express-News:

[He] stood by his comments that “wetbacks” should be shot by ranchers and that President Barack Obama is a “socialist son of a bitch”.

Mapp first made the remarks at an editorial board meeting with the Dallas Morning News last week, but told the San Antonio Express-News on Friday that using the derogatory term for Mexican immigrants is as “normal as breathing air in South Texas.”

And what could be healthier than breathing the air in South Texas?

So, after hitting a trifecta, consider Week 1 of the new GOP Charm Offensive a big success! Stay tuned for Week 2 (spoiler alert: Don’t worry black voters, they haven’t forgotten about pursuing you!).

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."
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