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AdLib On November - 25 - 2013

gop broken clock

It’s deja vu all over again repeating itself once more like a rerun of a previously-seen episode.

In the years following the attacks on 9/11, Republicans complained that they wished Americans had stayed united as they were back then, when a cowering, terrified nation desperately gave all of it’s loyalty, support and power to then President George Bush out of fear of being horribly murdered in a subsequent terrorist attack.

Republicans look back fondly on that time as the golden era of modern Republicanism, “Ah, those were the days.”

But as part of a provable conspiracy, Time showed a liberal bias then as it does right now. By cleverly trying to distract Americans from a major issue that gives Republicans an upper hand over the Democrats, Time shows it’s real pinko colors.

The troubled roll out of the ACA and the hardly justifiable outrage over 1% of Americans not being able to keep their health insurance plans have been working just fine as Republican weapons but once again, Time is trying to undermine the GOP by passing, attempting to change the nation’s focus to something else.

It’s an outrage, Republicans have declared. House Majority Leader Eric Cantor has authored legislation in The House that would require Time to stand still until or unless The House’s passage of a bill approving its passage. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has publicly attacked Time for its attempt to change the subject from how bad Obamacare’s problems are for the Democrats and has sworn to filibuster Time from moving forward in the foreseeable future.

The new Republican motto freshly cranked out from GOP marketing guru Frank Luntz is, “If you like your current scandal, you can keep it.” Nearly all Republicans in Congress have signed onto an agreement to gridlock the passage of Time in order to keep the public focused on the one negative issue they’re clutching onto more desperately than any Bible or gun.

“It’s dishonest and sleazy! We see right through the Senate’s nuking of the filibuster and Obama’s making a deal with Iran to stop them from becoming a nuclear threat to the region and the world…it’s all about trying to distract the public from a far more important thing…the attacks we want to keep making through election day 2014! ” exclaimed Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

As part of the new Republican campaign to stop time from passing and prevent new events from happening, Fox News will no longer be broadcasting any news that takes place after this month and will instead just rebroadcast programs they have previously broadcast since the troubled launch of Obamacare.

“Our audience won’t notice any difference, ” Fox News President Roger Ailes explained. “We’ve basically been doing this since out inception, just rebroadcasting the same attacks with the specifics just changed a little. Now, we’ll just be providing the same great news in a more consistent and uniform way. It won’t affect their level of being uninformed or the crazed, irrational outrage out audience gets from viewing Fox News.”

There have been proposals for theme songs to this “Stop Time in Our Life Time” campaign by the GOP including Jim Croce’s “Time in a Bottle”, the J. Geils Band’s “Freeze Frame” and a revising and re-recording of an old Rolling Stones song by Ted Nugent as, “Time Waits For No One (Except Republicans)”.

Republican strategists are not only hoping for success in their campaign to stop time but they are exploring the holy grail of turning back time. “National and statewide elections are getting harder and harder for us to win, ” Republican strategist Karl Rove confessed. “We have been trying to trim voters off with Voter ID legislation but that’s a drop in the bucket compared to turning time back to when women and black people couldn’t legally vote. We’re optimistic that with the Koch Brothers footing the bill, we can launch an unyielding, coordinated attack on Time to stop it’s momentum and force it into retreat, hopefully to a point that’s pre-Civil War. Only by turning time back, can the GOP move forward.”

Time was contacted to provide a response to this article but could not be reached by the time of publication.

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."
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