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AdLib On November - 25 - 2013

gop broken clock

It’s deja vu all over again repeating itself once more like a rerun of a previously-seen episode.

In the years following the attacks on 9/11, Republicans complained that they wished Americans had stayed united as they were back then, when a cowering, terrified nation desperately gave all of it’s loyalty, support and power to then President George Bush out of fear of being horribly murdered in a subsequent terrorist attack.

Republicans look back fondly on that time as the golden era of modern Republicanism, “Ah, those were the days.”

But as part of a provable conspiracy, Time showed a liberal bias then as it does right now. By cleverly trying to distract Americans from a major issue that gives Republicans an upper hand over the Democrats, Time shows it’s real pinko colors.

The troubled roll out of the ACA and the hardly justifiable outrage over 1% of Americans not being able to keep their health insurance plans have been working just fine as Republican weapons but once again, Time is trying to undermine the GOP by passing, attempting to change the nation’s focus to something else.

It’s an outrage, Republicans have declared. House Majority Leader Eric Cantor has authored legislation in The House that would require Time to stand still until or unless The House’s passage of a bill approving its passage. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has publicly attacked Time for its attempt to change the subject from how bad Obamacare’s problems are for the Democrats and has sworn to filibuster Time from moving forward in the foreseeable future.

The new Republican motto freshly cranked out from GOP marketing guru Frank Luntz is, “If you like your current scandal, you can keep it.” Nearly all Republicans in Congress have signed onto an agreement to gridlock the passage of Time in order to keep the public focused on the one negative issue they’re clutching onto more desperately than any Bible or gun.

“It’s dishonest and sleazy! We see right through the Senate’s nuking of the filibuster and Obama’s making a deal with Iran to stop them from becoming a nuclear threat to the region and the world…it’s all about trying to distract the public from a far more important thing…the attacks we want to keep making through election day 2014! ” exclaimed Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

As part of the new Republican campaign to stop time from passing and prevent new events from happening, Fox News will no longer be broadcasting any news that takes place after this month and will instead just rebroadcast programs they have previously broadcast since the troubled launch of Obamacare.

“Our audience won’t notice any difference, ” Fox News President Roger Ailes explained. “We’ve basically been doing this since out inception, just rebroadcasting the same attacks with the specifics just changed a little. Now, we’ll just be providing the same great news in a more consistent and uniform way. It won’t affect their level of being uninformed or the crazed, irrational outrage out audience gets from viewing Fox News.”

There have been proposals for theme songs to this “Stop Time in Our Life Time” campaign by the GOP including Jim Croce’s “Time in a Bottle”, the J. Geils Band’s “Freeze Frame” and a revising and re-recording of an old Rolling Stones song by Ted Nugent as, “Time Waits For No One (Except Republicans)”.

Republican strategists are not only hoping for success in their campaign to stop time but they are exploring the holy grail of turning back time. “National and statewide elections are getting harder and harder for us to win, ” Republican strategist Karl Rove confessed. “We have been trying to trim voters off with Voter ID legislation but that’s a drop in the bucket compared to turning time back to when women and black people couldn’t legally vote. We’re optimistic that with the Koch Brothers footing the bill, we can launch an unyielding, coordinated attack on Time to stop it’s momentum and force it into retreat, hopefully to a point that’s pre-Civil War. Only by turning time back, can the GOP move forward.”

Time was contacted to provide a response to this article but could not be reached by the time of publication.

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GOP Attacks the Passage of Time as Obamacare Distraction, 9.8 out of 10 based on 5 ratings

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

15 Responses so far.

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  1. agrippa says:

    The GOP is the opposition. The GOP has to oppose, at all times, and on all fronts. The GOP can not just sit there like a bump on a log.

    The GOP is, simply, doing what it has to do.

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    • AdLib says:

      agrippa, when a group of people like the Republicans, set themselves to oppose everything, they will eventually oppose gravity, the passage of time and reality.

      Not really a sustainable position but as we know, Repubs aren’t interested in anything sustainable.

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  2. SueInCa says:

    Great one Adlib. Actually TIME is not on their side but like Roger Ailes said, they won’t know the difference anyway. It is amazing to me how Republicans can actually say some of the things they do, and keep a straight face. The new one for Teabillies is “both parties are the same, do nothings” or something to that effect. You can stop them in their tracks by saying “and the Teaparty is worse than both of them”. I have had so many come back and say, “are you calling me a tea partier”? Well not outright, just wanted to smoke you out. LOL what can they say? I outed them, they know I outed them but they cannot admit it because everyone will then know their game.

    I take a delicious pride in doing that all the time LOL.

    God is a much better comedian than you are Adlib but you are coming close to his wit. :-)

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  3. choicelady says:

    AdLib -- I think you’ve nailed down EXACTLY what the GOP are doing: stopping Time in its tracks!

    Oh sure -- given their druthers, they’d roll it back to about 1895 and the Gilded Age, Social Darwinism, exploited labor and abused immigrants, but if they can’t have that because of Time’s liberal bias, they’ll settle for the Bush Golden Years. Surely Time can’t move beyond THAT, can it?

    I think you’ve uncovered a sneaky plot though -- they TALK about the 2014 election, but if they truly stop Time -- we will never GET there. They are that cunning, they are.

    Yup -- since we’ve watched them actually “Run the Clock Out” again and again, I believe you’ve exposed their dastardly efforts. They have no policies, so they stop Time.

    Everyone -- keep your clocks and watches wound and moving FORWARD! It’s the only way to beat them at their game!

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    • AdLib says:

      CL -- I think it’s all true, the GOP has concluded that the more people’s clocks keep working, the worse their politics keep working. So the true enemy of the RW right now are clock and watch repairmen! No wonder so many have “accidentally” died recently and all those laws have cropped up preventing them from doing their work unless they have hospital privileges at a local emergency room!

      Those Republicans are slime but then that’s what happens when you only believe in time going backwards and you don’t believe in evolution.

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  4. Kalima says:

    Wonderful AdLib!

    Hmm, if they could, they would stop Time, after all, they already waste and steal time. Would their world be anything like this?

    The Land That Time Forgot Trailer


    The Planet of The Apes Ending


    Or this?

    Original-Planet of The Apes


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    • AdLib says:

      Kalima, very funny!!!

      BTW, the Planet of the Apes closing quote is coincidentally identical to what the GOP Elite have yelled at the Baggers about what they’ve done to their party:

      “You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”

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  5. fjb says:

    AdLib, what a delightful bit of humor.
    The GOtP doesn’t mind playing with Mother Nature so I guess they think Time will work the way they desire. They haven’t taken the Time to control the extremists among them thereby bringing on the nuclear vote in the Senate.
    They haven’t taken the Time to consider the voting rights of all Americans. They only think of all of the Times the undocumented vote; which will not cause anyone the Time to rush to the bathroom over.
    Somehow they think their Time has come; that may be true but only as their Time to go.

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  6. kesmarn says:

    AdLib, d’you suppose that — in focusing on Time, instead of the bigger, darker picture — FOX missed an opportunity here?

    They failed to point out that the Iran nuke deal was part of a conspiracy to distract us all from Friday’s merciless “Democratic Power Grab” of filibuster reform.

    Which in turn was a distraction that was cooked up solely to distract the American voter from the October 1st “Disastrous Roll Out of Obamacare!” (Not to mention the awfulness of Obamacare itself.)

    But the ultimate conspiracy theory FOX failed to get out there was that none other than the President himself deliberately sabotaged the Healthcare.gov website.

    Why?

    To distract from Benghazi, of course.

    It’s just a matter of time. Going backwards, that is!

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