• RSS
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
AdLib On May - 4 - 2012

On the heels of the news that the Romney campaign’s foreign policy adviser, Richard Grenell, was forced out due to pressure from the Religious Right over his being gay, comes today’s revelation that Romney’s key strategic campaign adviser is an eight year old boy, Wyatt Dorfman.

Mitt Romney discovered Dorfman during a campaign stop in New Jersey when he caught him scratching a key into his limousine to write, “Kiss my but! (sic)”. Caught red handed by Romney in the midst of the act with the key in hand and scraped off paint on his sleeve, Dorfman proclaimed to Romney, “I didn’t do anything! It was already like that!”

“Something about that kid struck a chord with me, I’m not sure what it was,” Romney explained after forcing a chuckle for over a minute. “And by the time he got around to accusing me for having done it, and he was very convincing, he’d really won me over.”

Romney said that through this exchange, he was instantly convinced that he had found a diamond in the rough, the ideal person to be groomed as his campaign strategist. “A political campaign is just like a schoolyard fight and who better to have in your corner than a school boy?” Romney explained in a pleasant while detached voice.

Even though he’s only eight years old, Dorfman comes with quite a history. He’s been suspended from school half a dozen times for reasons that include stealing lunch money from kids, picking on smaller children, lying to his teacher and insider trading. Most of his classmates describe Dorfman unfavorably, as a bully, a liar and mean to girls. Dorfman’s best friends deny all of those charges and insist that they got all their noogies, wedgies and Wet Willies by accidentally falling down the stairs at home.

Romney swiftly brought Dorfman on board and the two became a solid team. When asked what initial political advice he had for Romney, Dorfman replied, “Um, first I told him that if you did something or said something that you’d get in trouble for, you gotta just smile and say you didn’t do it. Then I told him, if someone keeps calling you a liar, you just say, ‘I know you are but what am I?’ or ‘I’m rubber and you’re glue, what you say bounces off me and sticks to you!”

Romney chuckled, “It may sound silly at first but once we rolled it out, we were really impressed at how effective this strategy was. Oh, did I chuckle yet?”

Dorfman went on to describe his political strategies, “When you want kids to like you more than another kid, you gotta make up lies about him so everyone at school thinks he’s a jerk. And ya gotta do a lot of them so kids will think at least one of them’s gotta be true. Like, he wets the bed, he’s wearing girl’s underpants, he’s an alien, he eats bugs, he’s got an anti-colonial mentality, you know, that kinda stuff and you gotta keep it up every day. You also gotta make fun of everything he does. Like if he gets an ‘A’ on a test, you call him ‘Brown Noser’. If he gets and ‘F’, you call him, ‘Dumbo’. If he makes a good shot in basketball, you say, ‘What a show off!’ and if he misses a shot, you say, ‘Loser!’. The main thing is, no matter what he does, you say something bad about him every day and after a while, at least some of the kids will like you more just because they like him less. It works. that’s how I got kids likin’ me, even the ones I do titty twisters to!”

“He’s really brought our campaign up a notch, we’re running in a much more sophisticated way now,” Romney explains. “As Wyatt says, ‘A lie is only a truth that can’t be proven…and if it hurts people you don’t like and saves you from getting punished, how can it be wrong?”

As time has gone by, Dorfman’s role has expanded into advising on issues. He’s moved Romney to the position of girls having cooties and requiring girls to carry them to full term, calling people ‘gay’ as an insult (or letting others do so before firing them), stealing lunch money and grants from kids at school and supporting “Stand Your Playground” laws that protect bullies from being punished when they launch preemptive attacks against younger and smaller children who they believe could one day grow up to pose a threat to them.

There are complications that go along with having an eight year old as your campaign adviser, keeping a constant supply of chicken fingers and chocolate milk on hand, setting up playdates for him with Rick Perry and Herman Cain and having to discipline the adult staff to “act their age” so they’re on a par with him.

Some have called this inappropriate and even illegal child labor but Romney just laughs it off…though he does laugh before saying most things, “Either we want full employment in this country or we don’t. And full employment means ending age discrimination against children. Childhood is not for every kid, we should give them the freedom to decide what’s best for them. Except for the girls of course, we’ll decide that for them.”

Asked if he sees a Republican political office in his future, Dorfman responded, “I lie, I steal, I beat up on kids…and I can get paid for doing that when I grow up? Hells yeah!”

GD Star Rating
a WordPress rating system
New Romney Campaign Advisor is 8 Year Old Child, 10.0 out of 10 based on 1 rating

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

29 Responses so far.

Click here to leave a comment
  1. MurphTheSurf3 says:

    Is it true that Nugent is being brought in to offer training in media communications and cultural sensitivity?

    One good thing is that Dorfman will raise the overall emotional IQ of the core adviser team. Presidential leadership at work.

    GD Star Rating
    a WordPress rating system
  2. AlphaBitch says:

    AdLib: I must protest the use of the name “Dorfman”. Flounder (aka “Dorfman”) was my favorite character in Animal House! (OK, it was really Stork “I am not a moron”, but Flounder came in second.)

    And as to Angry AdLib vs. Humorous AdLib: I lubs em all! Although it WAS your ability to co-opt the Big Guy and blog for God that really won me over……..Drinks on the house tonight!

    Did I tell you my new tee shirt idea? “Abortions I WISH I had had” -- starting with Cheney and Scalia, and listing all the SOBS I wish weren’t. My BFFs in real life (trick question: is there life outside the Planet?) discouraged me from doing the “Ask me about my abortion” tee shirt, although I might do it and wear it only out of town………I wore an “Operation Enduring Stupidity” w/ W.’s smarmy smiling face on it to the ta-ta store, and endured the glares of all the Repubs in my neighborhood -- countering them with an equal sappy and stupid grin. Not ONE of them said anything. Oh they talk big, but when it comes down to going toe to toe, they say nothing.

    GD Star Rating
    a WordPress rating system
    • AdLib says:

      I went to school with a Dorfman and I can attest, fat, drunk and stupid is indeed a way to go through life.

      Did you know that “Stork” was one of the writers of Animal House?

      Thanks and thanks for the kind props for my split personalities, AB!

      I had to pull a lot of strings to get God to blog here but he keeps coming back for the gift baskets (he loves the beef jerky!).

      It’s been mentioned that we should have a t-shirt or bumper sticker contest here, that could be a lot of fun. You’ve got one entry already, I’ve got to think up a few!

      GD Star Rating
      a WordPress rating system
      • Ad, would that be Larry Stork? Corporal Agarn from F Troop?

        By the way, kudos on a very humorous post. It sort of reminds me of Jethro Tulls, “Thick As A Brick,” where an 8 year old boy, “supposedly,” wrote the lyrics and music for the album. A great joke from Ian Anderson.

        GD Star Rating
        a WordPress rating system
  3. bito says:

    Are you calling Mitt Romney a liar?

    Thanks Newt!

    GD Star Rating
    a WordPress rating system
  4. bito says:

    Just one thing I want to know, was Dorfman the younger the point man that told Mitt to get involved in ongoing diplomatic problems (China) and politicizing them by just reading newspaper reports? Just pulling it out of his hat?

    This sure sounds like an 8 year old:

    “We’ve heard some disturbing things from across the world that suggest that, potentially, if the reports are true, some very troubling developments there,” Mr. Romney said. “If these reports are true, this is a dark day for freedom and it’s a day of shame for the Obama administration.”

    The reports suggest that “our administration willingly or unwittingly communicated to Chen an implicit threat to his family, and also probably sped up, or may have sped up, the process of his decision to leave the embassy because they wanted to move on to a series of discussions that Mr. Geithner and our secretary of state are planning on having with China,” he continued. “It’s also apparent, according to these reports, if they’re accurate, that our embassy failed to put in place the kind of verifiable measures that would assure the safety of Mr. Chen and his family.”

    Wow, if this report is true and verified Mitt probably may have or maybe not, stuck if foot or maybe more than than his foot into this what maybe a very sticky situation, depending if this report can be verified.

    Oh wait, what did Mr. Chen have to say?

    “I left the U.S. Embassy on my own free will,” Chen told a Washington Post news assistant who reached him by telephone shortly after midnight. “I wasn’t tricked into leaving. If I didn’t want to leave, I could have stayed, and no one would have forced me to leave.” [...]“The U.S. Embassy helped me a lot,” Chen said. “I really appreciate their help. They did a good job. But I don’t think the Chinese side is obeying the agreement well.”

    Never mind Dorfman, you look a little ethnic! Are you gay?

    (Quotes taken from “”A dark day for freedom” turns into a black eye for Romney”

    http://www.thepeoplesview.net/2012/05/dark-day-for-freedom-turns-into-black.html#.T6Qu0XPqPgA.twitter

    GD Star Rating
    a WordPress rating system
    • SueInCa says:

      Bito

      this is what happens when you are a batshitcrazy fucking idiot. Sorry but this one really pissed me off. He was so effing smug when he was relating this info and I just wanted to reach into the TV and knock him out.

      How ignorant is this man and how desperate are his advisors to put him in this position?

      As the report and statement by SOS Clinton showed today Romney could have turned an incident that was under control into a National Incident. There are just not enough cuss words to use for this asshole. Now I will go back and read the People’s view report that I never got back to this morning.

      Thanks Bito for letting me rant. :-)

      GD Star Rating
      a WordPress rating system
      • bito says:

        I completely agree Sue, there was a time when politicians did not say a word when the President was in another country nor did they say anything when there was a crisis and the SoS was involved,and it usually is observed, or should I say was observed until PBO got in office. He didn’t even know the facts and he was running his mouth. Was he getting cables from the SoS? No! he was reading the bloody newspapers (more likely, his staff was) and that’s all knew.
        He was wrong, wrong, wrong and he #failed#failed#failed

        GD Star Rating
        a WordPress rating system
    • AdLib says:

      If the reports are true, Mitt Romney’s strangling of puppies and kittens is a dark day for freedom and it’s a day of shame.

      And if the reports are true, Mitt Romney’s “I Love Hitler” tattoo is a dark day for freedom and it’s a day of shame.

      And lastly, if the reports are true, Mitt Romney’s membership in Al Qaeda is a dark day for freedom and it’s a day of shame.

      GD Star Rating
      a WordPress rating system
  5. SueInCa says:

    Adlib I like the funny you too. Just to let you know I am not going to do the other staff article. The people left are not any big surprise nor is there anything particularly frightening about them. Grennell was the only one that was interesting and the religious right took care of him for me. What a shame, proves Romney has absolutely no core. He is an empty suit with dollar bills sticking out of the pockets. I do have another piece that I posted at God’s own Party that I am going to make a few changes to and post, hopefully sometime today.

    GD Star Rating
    a WordPress rating system
    • AdLib says:

      Cheers Sue! Thanks too for the heads up about not needing the follow up article on Romney’s staff.

      Romney only confirms every day that he has no core and will abandon any person or principle if it helps him in the short term. The spectacle about Grenell just proves it’s all true.

      Looking forward to your new post!

      GD Star Rating
      a WordPress rating system
  6. Bravo AdLib. I have to admit I like the hilarious AdLib more than the angry AdLib. It suits you.

    It looks like the 8 year old led campaign staff came out with another whopper today. Romney said job growth should be 500,000 jobs a month of more. What the 8 year old doesn’t tell you is that only happened 16 months in 73 years and only 4 months in 50 years (including once under Obama) as reported by ThinkProgress.

    http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2012/05/04/477983/romney-claims-economy-should-be-adding-500000-jobs-a-month-which-it-has-done-only-four-times-in-50-years/

    I think Romney was saying the economy should drop -500,000 jobs like it was when Obama entered office because of the same failed policies Romney is prescribing now.

    GD Star Rating
    a WordPress rating system
    • bito says:

      And a companion piece: CHART: Economy Has Recovered All Private Sector Jobs Lost Since Obama Took Office, seems to be a Republican dream, more private jobs and the end to those (unionized)public featherbedders.

      http://thinkprogress.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/apriljobschart-1024x743.jpgChart

      GD Star Rating
      a WordPress rating system
      • AdLib says:

        Wow…that chart is a revelation! Thanks Bito, it proves everything we’ve been saying and makes perfect sense when corporate profits and the stock market are considered.

        GD Star Rating
        a WordPress rating system
        • bito says:

          The one thing that one has to remember that the public sector isn’t made up of just some bureaucrat sitting in D.C., they are our school teachers,nurses sewage and water plant workers, fireman, snowplow drivers--the workers that are he salt of the earth people that make everyone days a bit easier.

          PBO wanted more money for the sates and cities in the stimulus package and more for infrastructure but they were cut for the 3 Republican votes, a compromise.

          GD Star Rating
          a WordPress rating system
      • DailyKOS also sums it up quite well.

        To recap, under Obama:

        Private sector jobs: Up by 35 thousand
        Public sector jobs: Down 608 thousand
        Stock market: Up by 64%
        And under Bush:

        Private sector jobs: Down by 646 thousand
        Public sector jobs: Up by 1.7 million
        Stock market: Down 24%

        http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/05/04/1088762/-Will-the-real-capitalists-please-step-forward-

        So who’s the Socialist?

        GD Star Rating
        a WordPress rating system
      • Remember Bush’s presidency didn’t really start until after 911. But according to right wingers Obama’s presidency started the day he was elected in 2008.

        I think the economy will pick up steam again based on the manufacturing numbers you posted and the jobless claim rate drop next week. Jobs numbers are seasonally adjusted but I think some of those adjustments are out of date. Last year we had the same swoon in job numbers this time of year so obviously Spring is not the jobs boom it once may have been. Probably because with climate change we never really had a season change to Spring just a very long Fall.

        GD Star Rating
        a WordPress rating system
        • bito says:

          One of the problems so many talking heads do is that they point to singular points to make a sweeping conclusion. There are many reasons intertwined to get to a conclusion. But you know that already. China is trying to clamp down on their growth numbers to guard against inflation and Europe is still diddling around with their “Austerity will fix a recession” girlfriend not noticing that she is unfaithful. Both of those countries are our biggest customers and they aren’t buying. New house construction is still down and that cuts into manufacturing. Big corporations and banks aren’t investing, Republicans are obstructing any stimulus. All of those impede growth and I’m sure you can add another 10 to throw in the mix.

          My point may be that Government can’t control all of these but they could get on the same page. Short term stimulus works during a recession, austerity, especially on the middle class and poor doesn’t work, we have the to only look at the EU and UK and the R’s and Romney want to bring it to the US.

          While I am ranting, I really dislike when they compare this recession to those of Reagun (of course) Clinton and GW and how quickly they pulled out of it.
          BS! None of those were as deep and global as this one and none of them had to deal with a global financial collapse, so quit comparing damn it!

          Now what was you question? :lol: I think I went off on a rant.

          GD Star Rating
          a WordPress rating system
    • AdLib says:

      KQ, the hilarious Adlib thanks you and the angry Adlib curses you before Hulking out and crushing my computer.

      It’s not an official thing but for several weeks, I’ve been posting a humorous article on Fridays as a way for Angry Adlib and other Planeteers to wind down a bit for the weekend, after a week of dealing with all that the week brings.

      I also heard that Romney is saying that unemployment should be at 4%. And then there was something about if billionaires get tax cuts, we’ll all get jet packs.

      Yes, 8 year old Wyatt Dorfman has been very busy today, helping Romney make up all kinds of lies about jobs figures. Initially, Wyatt told Romney to say, “There should be a million jobs a month…no a gazillion! And Obama is a jerk! He smells like an elephant’s butt! And unemployment should be at 5…4%! No 3%…and there should be free candy for doing your homework!”

      It is so obvious, whether looking at Bush’s destruction of our economy or what’s going on now in Europe, the Romney/Ryan budget would make it more probable, as you say, that job growth will hit reverse and plunge deeply, leaving America pining for the days of 100k+ jobs added in a month.

      GD Star Rating
      a WordPress rating system

Leave your Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.


Back to top
PlanetPOV Tweets
Sponsors
Features