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AdLib On March - 1 - 2012

Thanks to one of the many Special Ops members of PlanetPOV, we have just secured a secret GOP document that describes their plans for dealing with women if they win control of the White House and Congress this November.

This is potent stuff, we caution those who believe in decency and equality, especially women and those with heart conditions (such as having one) that what you’re about to read may contain offensive language, situations and people.

The GOP Handbook to Training Your Woman (aka The 2012 Republican Platform)

Introduction
Women. We fear them, we don’t understand them and we often hear their laughter after we undress. So as Republicans, what should we do about the Fem Menace? It’s time that instead of accepting their encroachment on our God given right to power (and occasionally fucking things up), we fight back. Women need to be put back in their place, just as we’re trying to do with blacks, gays and the 21st Century.

This handbook will help you to take back your role as master and train your woman and women around the country not to bite the hand that beats them.

1. Make sure you always keep your woman on a leash.
Women can sometimes be willful and want to go in their own direction. At times, you need to pull their leash sharply to show them that you’re the Alpha Dog, you’re the boss and they need to follow your orders.

The best ways to do this are to hide behind religious justifications (which of course are grounded in male supremacy), deny them the right to speak at Congressional hearings, control what medicines or medical procedures they can have and describe any women who stand up to men on such issues as “sluts”.

2. Keep your woman inside the house
Women (and their masters) are most comfortable when they are confined in a secure home to cook and clean in. Allowing your woman to go outside the house is a big mistake, she may run in packs with other women, find her way inside office buildings and start working or become rabid by seeing themselves as equals.

3. Teach your woman entertaining tricks
The GOP Research Lab states that women can be as intelligent as a ten year old boy so they are capable of learning a variety tricks such as making meatloaf, bringing you your slippers, speaking on command (and never otherwise), holding their opinion between their teeth and of course, rolling over.

4. Give your woman scratches on the head when she behaves herself. Women need approval from men to know when they’re doing the right thing. If your woman is obedient, reward her with a treat that you think she would like such as a new mop or lingerie and high heel stilettos, maybe several more of your children to care for or temporarily allow her to hold the tv remote.

Remember, asserting yourself as master over your woman will bring you the sense of satisfaction and superiority you need to be able to dysfunction at your best in society and will bring you months of greater self worth…at least until they get to vote in November…so don’t forget to hide their IDs in October.

Word is that the GOP will adopt the following slogan to campaign on this year, “It’s Manning in America.”

Guess someone’s forgotten that women make up the majority of voters in elections. We will indeed see whose leash gets pulled in November…

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

21 Responses so far.

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  1. Artist50 says:

    I, along with several older women, were at a luncheon with a group of college women on Saturday, and we discussed the “Rush” situation. They really aren’t very political. I mentioned that it wasn’t so long ago that my mother instructed me that I could major in Nursing or Education when I entered college in 1968, just in case “something” happened to my husband. I felt like those were my choices, and I obviously wasn’t brave enough to deviate. I was one of the lucky ones, some of the other ladies didn’t have the opportunity to attend college.

    I hope we impressed upon these young women that we’re sliding backwards. That was our intent. After the last two weeks I sometimes wonder what we have gained. It’s not my job to discuss politics with these girls, but I try to talk about history and let them come to their own conclusions. (It’s very hard to bite my tongue!)

    • AdLib says:

      Hey Artist! Actually, as we’ve seen, the public generally has seemed clueless about their rights, wealth and future being taken away from them by the top 1%.

      There does seem to be an awakening by the public, exemplified by as OWS, as to the now blatant attacks on the majority’s rights.

      People often take what they’re born into for granted. These young women wouldn’t likely be activists for women’s rights because they just took for granted that they had them.

      But once rights and freedoms are explicitly taken away…that’s when people may become energized.

      Sure hope that’s the case with these young women.

  2. I’ll let George handle this one;


    • Artist50 says:

      Thanks, KT. There’s no one that can replace him!

    • lalalu says:

      He will always be one of my favorites. I miss him and can only imagine the comments he would make about the 2012 election.

    • RIP George a true cynical visionary. I think he would like that oxymoronic statement.

      My favorite quote was ‘I was Roman Catholic until the age of reason’ because I resemble that remark so well.

      • A true wordsmith and a truly brave man for not mincing his words to appease people. They said the same about Brietbart, but it doesn’t take much courage to lie and twist the truth. It’s the same money making game played by Coulter, Limbaugh and many others. Spark controversy because controversy sells.

  3. SueInCa says:

    AdLib

    All I have to say is: “I am woman, hear me roar”.

    • AdLib says:

      Sue, that says it all…and will say it all at the ballot boxes in Nov!

      • BourneID says:

        Hi adLib

        I’m a little late, but I’m one of the new kids on the block.

        FYI, Roaring is specialty of us Califonia women. One roaring alone is deafening; the decibel level increases exponentially with each addition.

        We could take on the GOP Handbook for “training women” if you’d like.

        It’s Thursday, March 22; I’m joining you for my first Vox Populi experience -- watching and learning (unless I can’t stand not responding to something interesting).

        Bourne

        • AdLib says:

          Hey BourneID, you can never be too late to share your POV.

          I think it will be changing the game nationally if women come out in Nov and meaningfully vote against GOP candidates. If the percentage is markedly higher, I’d expect the Repubs to be panicking and rushing away from their War on Women.

          Repubs seem to live in bubbles and in their bubble, the majority of women are just fine with their legislating religious-based laws to force women to do or not do what they want.

          Losing a lot of the women’s vote in 2012 and hopefully Congress as well, would send shock waves through their party.

          Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow for Vox Populi. It’s really very easy to participate, it’s just a live chat so please don’t hesitate to join in at any time, you’ll be welcomed when you do.

  4. kesmarn says:

    Oh, AdLib, this is laugh-out-loud funny! I just loved it.

    The weird thing is, I was just doodling around looking for historical/hysterical stuff on the inter-tubes today and I came across this old, melodramatic lament on the evils of “wimmin in the workplace”:

    So here it is:

    Shall the Names of “Wife” and “Mother” become Obsolete?

    THE eloquent Father Hyacinthe offers the following hints to our social reformers of the present day: In the poorer classes there was a time when woman was called wife — mother; they have baptized her now-a-days by a name that does not belong in our language — the work-woman!

    The workman I know and honor, but I do not know the workwoman. I am astounded. I am alarmed, whenever I hear this word.

    What? This young woman — is toil, unpitying, unintelligent toil, to come bursting in her door early in the morning, to seize her in its two iron fists, and drag her from what ought to be her home and sanctuary to the factory that is withering and consuming her day by day?

    What! Is toil — brutal, murderous toil — to kill her children, or at least to snatch them screaming from their cradles and give them over into stranger hands?

    And all the time a false philosophy will be lifting its head and shouting, “Equality! equality for man and woman! Equality for the workwoman by the side of the workman!”

    Ah! yes, equality in slavery! Or, rather, a profound inequality in slavery and martyrdom.

    It came complete with illustration:

    [img]?w=450[/img]

    Ahhh… the good old days. Check it out, ladies. These wardrobe items will soon be appearing at a Victoria’s Secret near you.

    If the Republibans have their way.

    • AdLib says:

      Glad you loved it, Kes. I was at first a little reticent about it, even though it’s a satire, I didn’t want it to come off as offensive to any of our female members or readers.

      Wow…can you imagine how Santorum would embrace that throwback today? The GOP has actually gone that far off its rocker.

      That powerful photo could be paired with one of child labor from the same time and we’d have the ideal Republican image of America 2012.

      • GirlOutWest says:

        You are correct. It would appear that the GOP wants their women and children to revert to the glory days (gag) of the 1800s or if we’re lucky…the early 1900s.

        I believe the election of 2012 will show them we don’t agree with their backwards time travel.

        • BourneID says:

          Hi GirlOutWest,

          As far west as CA? This is where I live.

          We should counter the GOP Handbook with our own, The Democrat Calendar of Real Men. Visualize a month by month display of male Democrats and left leaning Independents of all ages, dressed in the uniforms of their chosen professions: firefighters, law enforcement, pilots, farmers, Military, businessmen, doctors, teachers…

          And the caption:

          TRAINED BY REAL WOMEN

          BTW, at least once a month in my city, Firefighters are at every major intersection in various locations collecting donations for the Shriner’s Hospital. They carry a boot and walk among the cars when lights are red.

          I cannot believe how gorgeous they are!

  5. choicelady says:

    AAAARRRGGGHHHHH!

    That’s from NON dominated non-GOP woman speak.

    My insights into GOP subservient women are based on fairly long observation in the field and some, albeit reluctant, oral history interviews. There are two kinds of subservient women -- those raised in the tradition (they are often totally pissed and want out) and those who, for many reasons, have NOT been raised that way but have totally fucked up their lives and are longing for stability and predictability. That’s good for about 3 years.

    About a decade ago the new president of the Southern Baptist Convention was pictured with his wife -- she was overweight, had on a stereotypical flowered dress and a hat that was beyond description. It looked like an inverted flower pot complete with flowers. And some peat moss. This was when the SBC decided all women had to be “subservient” to their husbands. She seemed to fit the mold

    I sent it to a friend who informed me that said woman, wife of the new prez, had a PhD. Huh? And yet she radiated superficial faux spirituality complete with really bad taste. PhD -- and this is what she’s reduced to? By desire or by fiat? I will never know.

    But today’s defeat of the Blunt Amendment is partly due to women rising up and telling their husbands and boyfriends -- you want nookie, I get my birth control, baby. It’s that or Lysistrata is your next wifey!

    Barefoot and pregnant is not on for most women, not even if they live in trailers, are poor, are dependent. Women are strong -- don’t have to be rich, don’t have to be educated, but women “get” things men never will because we mop up the messes, we’re the ones running to post bail, we shop and balance bills, and we comfort and support and see stupid as well as smart. Most of us work AND raise kids as well as tend our elders and occasionally our drunks. Very few women are utterly defeated in the pursuit of self worth, and what goes on in the ballot box is entirely private. You vote for someone who supports YOU -- men will never know.

    So GOP men? You may have more on your hands than you know. You think you have a subservient women? Well -- better treat her well because…you have to sleep sometime.

    • Artist50 says:

      CL -- Bravo! I don’t know if core Republican women will leave the party, because their identity is wrapped up in it, but I think they will stay home in November or will vote privately in that booth, as they damn well please.

    • AdLib says:

      I suppose it is the fear of hell that bends the will of some religious women to sublimate themselves to men even though they may be more educated and enlightened than them.

      I think the defeat of the Blunt amendment came because most Democrats, male and female, believe in the equality and rights of women. There were never the votes to pass it for that reason so its defeat is not surprising to me though the lockstep of Repubs to support it was astounding.

      They have no clue how this will be used to hammer them?

      They will!

  6. Kalima says:

    As always, a wonderful post AdLib. The sad thing is that I wanted to laugh but couldn’t because every word rings true for those of us who are sane and don’t belong to the cult of hate and destruction.

    The GOP and their like-thinking entourage remind me of the loud mouthed, obnoxious guy at a party who starts to tell a joke. You’ve heard this joke before and have told it often yourself years ago. Then suddenly, the guy gets the punch line wrong, and nobody laughs except for a few almost inaudible titters from a few close friends. That’s how the GOP appears to me, a has-been on his last legs, who can’t even remember the punch line to a joke he tells in a very whiny and raucous voice.

    This Republican circus are like the guys who step out of the gents loo with their flies still open and show no embarrassment while doing it up.

    I don’t just want to see them overwhelmingly defeated in November, I want to see them thoroughly gutted.

    Btw, wtf is wrong with Republican women, and how many of them take BC pills, but keep silent??

    • AdLib says:

      Kalima, nice metaphor, very fitting. And this is a very bad joke to begin with.

      They are living in their bubble, wholly ignorant to how they are painting the GOP and how they would paint America if they took over all branches of government.

      All of this plays well to the extremists in their districts and states and that’s all they see and care about. So, what is a strength for state and local elections is poison in national elections and they are clueless to that.

      What the GOP could be doing is ensuring that their incumbents get re-elected and that Dems will always be the mainstream party nationally, for the Presidency.

      And as the old folks who are regressive Repubs drop away and minorities become a bigger part of the population, the GOP could be setting course for permanent minority status…which wouldn’t break my heart at all.

  7. AdLib says:

    BTW, you can click the link below to sign the petition by the DCCC to tell Republicans to denounce Limbaugh’s misogynist tirades:

    http://dccc.org/pages/denounce-rush


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