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AdLib On November - 23 - 2011

With Thanksgiving tomorrow, PlanetPOV reached out in a show of holiday spirit to prominent Republicans to ask them what they’re thankful for. Once explaining the concept of being “thankful” through the use of instructional videos, diagrams and action figures, they shared the following responses with us:

 

NEWT GINGRICH

“I’m thankful for having an American workforce that is brimming with energy and optimism and has yet to have its potential tapped. But getting rid of child labor laws should solve that. I’m thankful for sexual harassment claims, Tiffany credit accounts, short term memories and no fault divorce.”

 

HERMAN CAIN

“I’m thankful to be able to count to 9, that there’s a he-said for every she-said, Books on Tape, the decline of public education and the related increase in support for my campaign.”

 

 

MITT ROMNEY

“I’m thankful for the availability of abortion and the restriction of it, universal healthcare and the uninsured, reducing Climate Change and disputing it, cats being better than dogs and dogs being better than cats. Most of all, I’m thankful for Flip Wilson, the Flip camera, the belly flop, flop sweat and the old tv series, Flipper.”

 

MICHELE BACHMANN

“I am so thankful for electroshock therapy, frequent supportive Tweets from God, staring contests, loose screws, racist old white men, big corn dogs, my husband’s passion for Broadway shows and big corn dogs and the sign in my office, “You don’t have to be crazy to work here…but it helps”.

 

RICK PERRY

“I’m thankful for three things, oil, the book “Presidential Campaigns for Dummies” and…hold on…I’ll remember…I…just can’t think of it right now…it’s not the EPA…oops!”

 

 

 

RON PAUL

“I am thankful for tin foil, my Ayn Rand inflatable doll with Atlas Shrugging action, single serving butter, Ebenezer Scrooge and The Grinch, desert islands, sports that don’t involve teams and most of all, sex with someone I love…me.”

 

 

RICK SANTORUM

“I’m thankful for Google searches, dogs as man’s best friend, Jesus’ hatred of so many people and things, the flammable nature of crosses and 2% support being enough to be in debates with people who have a real chance of winning the nomination.”

 

 

SARAH PALIN

“I am just so thankful for gunpowder, slander, the fantasizing and repressed sexuality of unattractive conservative white men, dropping “g”s at the ends of words, people who believe what I say, the Lamestream Media. low IQs and bats in belfries.

 

 

RUSH LIMBAUGH

“What I’m thankful for is Americans suffering, being white while blacks stay black, double stuff Oreos, prescription refills, John Wilkes Booth, eating a hot dog in one bite and resembling a legendary movie star, Jabba the Hut.”

 

JOHN BOEHNER

“I am very thankful for Kleenex, spankings, intestinal blockages, stop signs, types of governments that begin with “Pluto”, lap dogs and puppets.”

 

 

From all of the Republicans to all of the 1%, a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

78 Responses so far.

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  1. UncleB says:

    Palin saying Grace at the Thanksgiving dinner table (?):

    “Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or, as our brothers in the South call you: Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, moose burgers, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to thank you for my family, my beautiful, beautiful, children Truck, Trigger and Bear Trap, or B.T., as we call him, and of course ME; who many consider a stone-cold fox, who if you could rate me on a scale of 1 to 100, I would easily be an A+.!

    I also want to thank you for my new best friends at FOX News and especially Glenn Beck, who’s got my back no matter what…I also want to thank the suckers, um, I mean [email protected], um, I mean TEA Party Protesters, for their generous support; both morally and financially (but mostly financially). [*wink wink*]

    Also, too, Dear Lord Baby Jesus…We hope that you can use your Baby Jesus powers to set America on a “Right” path once again; and to have mercy on the misguided efforts of that terrorist-loving, Socialist Obama. Thank you Dear Tiny Infant Jesus…”

    — [ Kudos to “Ricky Bobby” ]

    : )

  2. choicelady says:

    I have to say that I’m now sympathetic to Rush. I’ve been on the very thing that made him lose his hearing and send his maid, documented status unknown, out to score for him. It has eased MY pain, so how can I begrudge him a hit or two? Or three or four…? Of course I took it a grand total of 8 times and now am off it entirely, but I’m not saying I’m BETTER than Rush, noooo. Even if I am, I’d not brag about it. Or anything…

    Artist -- I get the corn dog reference. It’s archived in photos. Three dollars for a gigunda corn dog. Two fifty for Kodak film. Blackmail possibilities -- priceless.

    • Pain killers and other drugs definitely have their place. I had a varicoseal removed very near my left testicle, and the surgical crew gave me a “spinal.” It’s very similar to a “saddle block,” but deadens your feeling further down the body. It was eerie, I had no feeling from my chest down to my toes. It was like what a parapalegic must feel (or not feel) on a daily basis. I remember trying to tell my toes to move and it was like the message from my brain to my toes was completely blocked. There was no way, no matter how hard I tried, that those toes were going to move, until the drug wore off.
      Opiates must be used very conservatively. And there are psychotropic drugs that are very necessary for a lot of people. And then there are drugs, illegal drugs, that are very spiritual in nature and offer a brief glance into the eternal! 😉

      • kesmarn says:

        KT, I remember thinking that same thing when I had that block. “This is what it feels like to be a paraplegic.” It really gave me a whole new insight into what that life would be like. And a whole new respect for people who can live with that paralysis day in and day out and still function.

        It is good to be able to move your toes! 😀

    • kesmarn says:

      c’lady, as the person who was on the receiving end of an epidural block during labor, I am all about pain relief. (At the time, my husband said the minute that drug hit, I looked 20 years younger. Thanks, dear… I think…)

      The trick is sorting out when the med allows you to do more than you could have done without it, and when you take it so that you don’t have to do/feel anything! And obviously you have done that very well!

      So the back is feeling better?

  3. Artist50 says:

    AdLib -- That was priceless, you had me at corn dogs!

    • kesmarn says:

      Artist, good to see you! How are the kiddos at Butler this year? Hope you’re doing well.

      • Artist50 says:

        Kes -- I’ve just had a week of solitude and serenity but I’ve got 100 girls coming back today to gear up for finals and then in three weeks they’ll be done and to go home for the Holidays. I really can’t complain about a schedule like that, now can I?

  4. KQuark says:

    Happy Thanksgiving everyone and enjoy your Shahira Law approved turkeys. :roll:

    • choicelady says:

      Mine happened to be kosher. Same diff. Discovered that when Muslims fly, they order kosher meals. If that doesn’t bring world peace, what will?

  5. bito says:

    Hate to break up tonight’s levity, however give a tweet!

    OperationSAFE

    Helping children after trauma through / art / story / games / play / song / dance / film / love / hope / people who care.

    Fukushima OperationSAFE Camp


    Piss off that grumpy relative, spread the arts and help a child this Thanksgiving.

    http://justcoz.org/operationsafe

  6. escribacat says:

    Oh my gawd, you’re too funny!!

  7. MurphTheSurf3 says:

    ADLIB….what an awful (and wonderful), malicious (and delicious), nasty (and tasty) morsel to serve up for my Thanksgiving Meal. AND, OH!…the Leftovers.

    Seriously…this is worth archiving…pass it on…..Woody Allen once explained humor like this as a healthy expression of sadness and anger, an alternative to tears and roars.

    Thank you for being the creative person you are.

  8. SueInCa says:

    Hey Adlib
    You tell those Republicans to leave my Flipper alone. He has been mine since I was in the 5th grade and I sat through two showings of his debut on the big screen in one afternoon. He is mine and I have replicas of him all over my house. No one disses Flipper lol

    • AdLib says:

      Flipper is a lifelong Democrat, always helping people, pro-environment, supporting animal rights and looking out for the welfare of kids.

      Jaws is the Republican, a cold blooded machine that devours everything it can.

      Go get ’em, Flipper!

      • KQuark says:

        Now that’s a concept I can sink my teeth into.

        • AdLib says:

          How are Republicans like sharks? I’ll bite.

          • KQuark says:

            In the immortal words of Doc Holiday in Tombstone “I’m your huckleberry”. Sharks and Republicans are blind, ruthless, cold blooded, brains stopped developing millions of years ago, prey on the weak and disadvantaged, get in a frenzy when they see blood in the water, are rigid but when it comes down to it have no real backbone to stand up to their base(r instincts), are pwnd and back of when confronted by high minded species (dolphins) and finally as plastic, fake and phony as the shark in the movie Jaws but as long as the have enough bright shiny teeth Repugs love voting for them.

      • SueInCa says:

        Adlib
        Read this whole paragraph about Porter Ricks in real life lol

        Brian Kelly(Porter Ricks) married actress Laura Devon in 1962. They were divorced in 1966. He married Valerie Ann Romero in 1972, with whom he had a daughter Hallie in 1975 and a son Devin “DJ Adlib” in 1980. Kelly died in February 2005 of pneumonia in Voorhees, New Jersey, two days before his 74th birthday.

  9. bito says:

    MMMM. just in time for Thanksgiving!

    [img][/img]

  10. “Atlas Shrugging action!” Brilliant AdLib, as is all of it.

  11. bito says:

    Well isn’t this special and just in time for Thanksgiving.

    Pat Robertson Wonders if Mac and Cheese “Is a Black Thing.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eyF8__fR8PQ

    700 Club host Kristi Watts interviewed Condoleeza Rice and they both agreed that they love mac and cheese. (Who doesn’t!?) Pat Robertson, apparently from a planet where one does not eat mac and cheese, like, all the time asks Watts “What is this ‘mac and cheese’? Is that a black thing?”

    http://www.balloon-juice.com/2011/11/23/pat-robertson-wonders-if-mac-and-cheese-is-a-black-thing/

    I thought he was a good ole country boy?

    I wonder if they make halal Mac and Cheese? 😆

  12. coveark says:

    Hilarious………..Laughter, the best gift that I received all day…:^)

  13. KQuark says:

    Another AdLib comedy gem!


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