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AdLib On October - 3 - 2011

The mascots for the two major political parties in our country are both animals, one of which represents being big and powerful, the other that symbolizes stubbornness. Even when it comes to mascots, the Demorcrats mess it up. I mean, a donkey? What, did the Libertarians already take the possum?

And we can’t let the Repubs off so easy for choosing an elephant. Something that is flat footed, consumes everything in sight and constantly produces the biggest piles of crap.

When thinking about the historical connection between animals and politics, it occurred to me that each of the GOP candidates should have their own mascots as well, to provide a simple and expressive symbol of their candidacy and who they really are. So, done purely as a public service, I offer the following match-ups for your consideration:

Mitt Romney – The Chameleon

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chameleons are a distinctive and highly specialized type of reptile. They use their color-changing ability to blend in with their surroundings, as an effective form of camouflage and to avoid being attacked by enemies. Chameleons have specialized feet that allow them to climb away from nearly any position they find themselves in that endangers them. They are generally known to support universal health care except when it makes them stand out from their surroundings.

Rick Perry – The Dodo

The Dodo was not the brightest bird, it was entirely fearless of people which left it totally clueless when its subsequent destruction occurred.  A flightless bird with limited abilities, it was unable to take off and escape danger. It’s meat was known to be tough and leave a bad taste in one’s mouth. As its familiar environment was encroached upon, including a favorite hunting area titled with a name insulting to African Americans, the Dodo eventually became extinct…or moved to somewhere in Texas which at that time considered to be the same thing.

Ron Paul – The Moth

The young that hatch from a moth’s conception end up eating away at the fabric of the place they call home, creating holes in clothes and sometimes social programs. That can result in a colder environment for those who otherwise depended on those things to protect them. Moths are greatly attracted to flames and the glare of the spotlight, they never change their behavior no matter how they may get burned from repeating it. Their favorite author is Ayn Rand and their favorite food is government issued sweaters.

Herman Cain – The Gopher

Gophers can live and function unseen, until they finally pop up. They disrupt human plans through their underground activities, routinely undermining, destroying and devouring the property of people. Especially Muslims. This has led to their frequent treatment as pests.  Due to their working mostly underground, when they surface, it is difficult for them to see things in the world around them…but that doesn’t stop them from proposing tax plans that are an inversion of the mark of the Anti-Christ. They’re also furry.

Michele Bachmann – The Clownfish

Clownfish typically surround themselves with poison, living in harmony with sea anemones. In a group of clownfish, there is a strict dominance hierarchy. The largest and most aggressive female is found at the top. Clownfish are sequential hermaphrodites, meaning that they develop into males first, and when they mature, they become females and may open up clinics to help other Clownfish to “pray away the gay”.

Rick Santorum – The Chihuahua

Though insignificant in stature, Chihuahuas can be ill tempered and easily provoked to attack. They are therefore generally unsuitable for homes with small children and those who may not want small children. They do not always get along with other breeds and tend to have a “clannish” nature, often preferring the companionship of other Chihuahuas over other dogs (including Blue Dogs) and fellow Tea Party members. It is not recommended to Google their name on the internet if one has delicate sensibilities. They also have very small penises.

Newt Gingrich – The Dung Beetle (“The Newt” was too easy)

Dung beetles are beetles that thrive exclusively on feces. Some are rollers,  noted for shaping dung into spherical balls and rolling them out as political platforms. Other dung beetles, known as tunnelers, bury the dung wherever they find it and declare it a grass roots “movement”. A third group, the dwellers, neither roll nor burrow: they simply live in manure…these beetles are more colloquially known as “Republican Voters”.

Jon Huntsman – The Male Black Widow

Male Black Widows don’t carry the same poison as others, aren’t known for aggressive behavior and don’t represent a threat to anyone. They seek to consummate what they are driven to pursue but once they do, they often end up being devoured by their own kind.  They don’t drink coffee or alcohol and believe that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri…likely where Branson is today but there were fewer matinee performances back then.

When it comes to this field of GOP nominees, it really is a jungle out there.

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

54 Responses so far.

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  1. KQuark says:

    Brilliant entry AdLib. Now I really hope Christie joins the race just to find out what animal he is, maybe the Elephant or I suspect the Whale given it’s meaning in Atlantic City casinos.

  2. Jenuwin says:

    Hilarious!

  3. kesmarn says:

    I just love this, AdLib. What more can I say?

    The part about Branson having more matinees than the Garden of Eden made me laugh out loud.

    Thanks!

  4. UncleB says:

    Well done!

    Though, I must admit, I was [pleasantly] surprised with the Bachmann mascot selection.

    I thought for sure it would have been the “wild-eyed cuckoo bird”; or some variation thereof..!

    : )

    • AdLib says:

      Cheers UncleB!

      I must admit, it was tempting to go for the cuckoo with Bachmann but with the clownfish giving me a gag for her husband as well, I couldn’t say no!

  5. Sabreen60 says:

    AdLib,
    I think all of them are great. My favorites are Mitt the Chameleon and Ron Paul the Moth. You know I’ve got to tweet this !

  6. SueInCa says:

    Adlib

    If Christie or Palin enter the race, I cannot wait to see what animals they are. As far as Obama goes, I think I would make him the Panther. He comes at you and hits you before you even know he is there. He can move without a sound and take down his adversary while they are still thinking about what he said.

    • AdLib says:

      Palin would be easy, either a pit bull or pig with lipstick. I’ve been coy about Christie but if he got in, I’d lean towards a wild boar.

    • choicelady says:

      Sue -- I can go with that! Panther, leopard, cheetah -- all works! However, given the RW -- we probably better NOT use a “black panther”. You KNOW how that will NOT play in Peoria!

      • Great idea CL. Oh, and screw Peoria!

        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[/img]

      • AdLib says:

        Good PR thinking! We’d have to make him a Caucasian Panther to get them!

      • SueInCa says:

        CL
        Oh how I would love to say Black Panther and really rile them up. Most of them would probably have the reaction that Forest Gump had, “what? let’s destroy his black panther party?” “So now he is bringing dangerous animals into the WH? I told you we could not trust him, that party cannot take place.”

  7. escribacat says:

    😆 😆 😆
    The real beauty of this jungle is that MSM and republicans are working so hard to pretend that it’s a slate of brilliant thinkers and leaders. The jungle critters have no clothes!!

    • AdLib says:

      We can also flip it around and say they’re just trying to put lipstick on a pig but that’s Palin’s mascot so she might sue for copyright infringement.

    • choicelady says:

      Eeeeeek!!!

      Well, we’ll just have to convert ’em. Once they’re born again, they, too, will don designer peep toe shoes like Sarah’s. And adopt hair gel like Rick and Mitt. It’s just ’cause they have yet to be saved that they’re running around nekkid.

  8. Kalima says:

    I of the “twirling mouse” syndrome, salute you. Perfect choices, except the for last one which won’t show up for me. Twirl away Mac. :(

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks Kalima!

      I see the Black Widow finally showed up for you! Hopefully one bite from her and the twirling wheel of madness gave up the fight!

      • Kalima says:

        The twirly has gone, but the hissing after watching any video clip remains. What can you suggest for that Dr. Lib?

        • AdLib says:

          Hmm…hissing after a video…could be one of several things. First thing, could be the way Safari is handling the video so see if you can update or re-install Safari.

          If it continues, could be the video or audio codec, that’s the software that translates the video and sound from data in picture and sound. Re-installing those could help.

          Could also be the sound card or chip, if it’s faulty, that could be the cause. Here too, reinstalling the driver for the sound card or chip could solve that.

          Hope I have succeeded in totally confusing and complicating this issue!

    • escribacat says:

      Uh oh. What’s the twirling mouse syndrome?

      • Kalima says:

        Hi e’cat. It’s an annoying thing when the page won’t reload properly and suddenly this rainbow coloured ball starts spinning all over the screen. I usually have to Force Quit. Maybe it’s a Mac thingy.

        Ooo, the spider just showed up, flap off.

        • choicelady says:

          No Kalima -- my Dell does it, too. It’s the hallmark of “need more memory” I believe. As soon as I send this, my twirly mouse will arrive, too.

          Sigh…

          • Kalima says:

            I feel much better now, thanks cl. I usually just shut down for a few minutes. Does yours hiss too, mine used to hiss every time I ventured over to HP years ago. Clever little thing. 😉

        • SueInCa says:

          Kalima
          But MAC lovers are said to be very loyal. I tried it once but could not see myself using it daily, but then again when I first tried windows I thought it was hard compared to what I was using previously……………DOS and typing in the commands. Can you imagine I once thought it easier to type a whole range of commands you had to remember rather than point and click?

          • Kalima says:

            I love my Mac, can’t handle a PC, too much messing about, but my Mac sometimes doesn’t like me, and both my iPod and my iPad take forever to reload a page. I could have cooked a three course meal sometimes.

          • choicelady says:

            We live. We learn. I have a Mac at work and a PCU at home, and I have NO difficulty going back and forth. My Word docs do, but I don’t. Proof that you CAN teach an old bit..dog…new tricks.

  9. choicelady says:

    Oh my, AdLib -- you’ve outdone yourself! These are perfect, each and every one. My two faves are the gopher -- even LOOKS like him, and the chihuahua. Santorum may be a big guy physically, but he has that nasty little dog temperament. PERFECT hits on every candidate!

    Excellent summation! Thank you for a GREAT laugh!

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks CL! Some were easier than others. Cain as the gopher took some time as did Ron Paul as the moth. But considering what a zoo the GOP primary is, it shouldn’t have been that hard!

  10. Emerald1943 says:

    Adlib, LMAO!! I especially like the dung beetle!

    But what, may I ask, are we going to see as Chris Christie’s mascot?? Let me guess! It’s gotta’ be the hippo! :-)

    • AdLib says:

      Oh. I’ve already got Christie’s mascot all ready and waiting! And it’s not the hippo…

    • choicelady says:

      Em! That’s a freaking insult to the hippo.

      Of course it IS very large, has a very big mouth, and I understand it has a LOUSY disposition, so…

      You may be on to something there.

      • Emerald1943 says:

        Hi CL and Adlib! When I thought of the hippo, I was thinking of its tendency to attack others…a nasty critter for sure. And have you checked out a hippo’s butt lately?? :-)

        But alas and alack! We don’t have to worry about it now that His Pompousness is not going to run! He’s about to take the podium in a few minutes to announce his momentous decision…as the MSNBC anchor reports. “Standing by for that announcement!” Oh, the excitement!!

        Dashing the hopes of rethugs all over the country! Don’t ya’ just love it!! Now,we can get back to bashing “n*****head” Perry!

        • AdLib says:

          The Hippo is an excellent choice for Christie! It was among my faves for him.

          He has only said repeatedly he’s not running and now, newsflash, he’s announcing he’s not running! What a shock!

          He could never win the Repub primary and he would likely lose re-election in NJ after having to go hard right to try and win the GOP primaries.

          Basically, he’s an obese jerk who’s only held office for a Palin-like 2 years and suddenly he’s the next Reagan? What garbage and we have the enabling MSM to thank for this and the push to get him in the race.

          They SO want Obama out, that should make one of the best arguments to re-elect him.

      • AdLib says:

        A hippo would be a compliment for Christie, giving him more “weight” than he deserves. I’ve got something else in mind for him if he gets in.

        • choicelady says:

          Em and AdLib -- I betcha that Christie, like Barbour, has something in his background he just does NOT want to come out. With Barbour it’s pretty obvious -- white hoodie types of things -- but with Christie? Well, it IS Jersey. Could he have been or be mobbed up?

          Pity is -- we probably will never have our base, National Enquirer type questions answered. Oh, well…

          • AdLib says:

            Christie has the problem that he fails the social policies litmus test for Conservatives. Pro gay, anti-birther, on and on.

            Christie would have crashed and burned very quickly once his moderate position on some social issues came out. Not to mention his trashing of the Baggers over anti-Sharia laws, which is on tape.

  11. HaHaHa! Excellent AdLib. Right on the money.



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