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AdLib On November - 24 - 2010


It is a tradition with our family that at Thanksgiving Dinner, we go around the table and each of us says what we’re thankful for…

…just before mentioning an embarrassing childhood incident which sets everyone off and results in the entire family ironically announcing in unison, “Well, Happy Thanksgiving!”

So, continuing the tradition we started here at The Planet on our first Thanksgiving, we surreptitiously installed airport body scanners in the homes of well known people and set the switch to “Brain Only” to find out what they were thankful for.

The scanner must have been malfunctioning because the brain scans came up empty except for displaying pennies, an unshelled peanut and a screw in a baseball. So, we proceeded with an intrusive cranial pat down for each and got the following results:

WHAT I’M THANKFUL FOR

boehnercryJOHN BOEHNER: I’m thankful for Kleenex, Fox News, voting angry, short memories, Coppertone, the word “no” and that no one can tell when you’re wearing women’s underwear.

SARAH PALIN: I’m thankful for Facebook, The Civil War, low test scores, the founding of America by Jesus, gullibility, old horny white men, “refudiate” and the Decline of Western Civilization.

ariannaARIANNA HUFFINGTON: I’m thankful for me, Benedict Arnold, did I mention me, hair transplants, sheep’s clothing, the National Enquirer, Obama’s low approval ratings, television cameras, Newt, petulant Democrats and jumping sharks.

randpaulRAND PAUL: I’m thankful for tea bagging, separate water fountains, my government provided health care, ice floes, lemmings and toupees made from the pubic hair of senior citizens.

GLENN BECK: I’m thankful for tv pioneer Bozo the Clown, hyperventilation, that tin foil can be shaped into a hat, Klan membership no longer requires wearing a sheet, crocodile tears, fear, Justin Bieber and that I can hold a pen and write my show with my ass.

====================

As for me, I am thankful for the extraordinary and wonderful people who ARE The Planet. They make me look forward to every day, to learning something new about the world around us, to sharing meaningful discussions on things that matter as well as amusing each other with clever and silly jokes.

I’m grateful for my family, my health, that we have a President Obama and that despite all the difficulties, some things have changed for the better in the last two years and more hope and change is warranted.

A Happy Thanksgiving to all of our members and readers (including those in other countries of course!), wishing you all the best!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Categories: Humor, News & Politics, Society

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

62 Responses so far.

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  1. bitohistory says:

    The Real Thanksgiving!!


    • kesmarn says:

      😆 Between this one and Patsy’s Palin video below, I think we have enough video violence to satisfy anyone’s Friday night Vox Pop “stomping” impulses!

  2. Haruko Haruhara says:

    We’re back from our Thanksgiving trip.

    [img][/img]

    We climbed a mountain, saw Hearst Castle, went to a Sharks game, met Duncan Keith, Joe Pavelski and Brent Seabrook, and Kiddo got a giant stuffed shark from “Sharkie,” we lost our camera. And we came home to 18 inches of snow, which Pepe is dutifully shoveling.

    I had to trade in my Corso Comos for Sorels. :(

    • kesmarn says:

      HH, good to see you back on the Planet. Sounds as though you all stayed in good shape…which you need to be when you’re dealing with 18″ of snow!

      Too bad about your camera, though! Did you lose all the trip pics, too? Or did you have a chance to download them before disaster struck? Hope you were able to salvage some!

      • Haruko Haruhara says:

        Nope all gone! :( But, Pepe lost it on our second day there, so we didn’t lose a lot. He had an awesome photo of Kiddo at Hearst Castle that is gone forever. :(

        • kesmarn says:

          Argh… too bad. Well, you’ll always have the happy memories…. :-(

          • Haruko Haruhara says:

            She was standing on a balcony in a Terrible Storm (wind and fog and palm trees bent sideways) with one of the towers of Hearst Castle looming above her and Pepe got a photo of her without her knowing. Oh, well. :(

            We got LOTS of autographs, though! :)

            • kesmarn says:

              That would have been awesome! What a shame…

              Cherish those autographs, anyway!

    • bitohistory says:

      HH, Good to hear you guys had a fun and safe trip! Sounds like you will have to rest up for a week now. :-)

  3. PatsyT says:

    Happy Day After Thanksgiving to you all!
    I am very thankful that I did not wait in any lines to stores at 3 AM.
    Has anyone run across this…


  4. escribacat says:

    Happy Thanksgiving to all my Planeteer friends. I’m stuffed and tired (having cooked and served). My poor sister in law was in a car accident the other day and got a broken collar bone! She’s okay but bruised and upset (she’s an A-type personality can’t sit still for five seconds but will have to sit still for six weeks now). She usually helps serve and clean up but couldn’t tonight. So, one of my poor brothers who usually sits around doing nothing but stuffing his face actually had to whip the potatoes and help with the dishes. A new experience for him. Hehe. Heheheheeee!!! (That was fun.) My greyhounds all got lots of turkey treats too, including my latest foster, Roxy. Ten days ago when I got her, she didn’t know how to take a treat from my hand. Today she was shoving my polite darlings out of her way to grab the turkey pieces. What a varmint. (Okay, she’s adorable.)

    • kesmarn says:

      E’cat! How did your post sneak past me for two days?

      Sounds like you had a really fun Thanksgiving--especially the part about your brother… 😆 !

      Congratulations on getting Roxy and introducing her to the joys of people food!!

    • Haruko Haruhara says:

      Pepe has broken his collarbone. A couple of times. He can offer advice. He touts the benefits of vicodin.

      Do you have Avs fever yet?

    • boomer1949 says:

      Happy Thanksgiving e’cat, albeit a day late.

      I did not have to cook yesterday; traveled to my daughter’s. She did everything — except the mashed potatoes. I was awarded the task (however did not have to peel) because my son in-law grew up on the prepackaged-just-add-water program.

      Mashed spuds are a science and do not survive a low-fat, skim milk, margarine, or “I Can’t Believe It’s Not…” illusion.

      Guilty as charged; my bad.

      This M I-L contributed to all his bad habits and bad cholesterol. I used real butter and real half & half; my dear s i-l was over the moon.

      Needless to say and, combined with the tryptophan, other high carb and high fat, serving dishes on the table, my dear S I-L was destined for a food coma within an hour of leaving the table.

      Now, if he could had a clue his bad habits are understandable a couple of times a year, but not day-in-and-day-out. I do not want my daughter to be a widow at the age of 40.

      Our weather was not good though. Rain. Rain. Rain. And, more rain. Thus, making the drive quite unpleasant. Did I say nerve-wracking?

      I am so sorry to hear about your sister in-law; I hope she is on the mend sooner rather than later. As for your brother…reality is a bitch and a rude awakening. 😉

    • AdLib says:

      Your poor sister-in-law but at least she’ll always have the memory of a Thanksgiving when she was waited on for a change. Next year, just buy a cast and you can do the same!

      My golden retriever had her laser-guidance system turned on all day, her eyes were locked on that turkey, before during and after it was cooked. Nothing could distract her from her mission, her crosshairs never moving from her target.

      She finally got her reward for her diligence after dinner and after not being too sure there wouldn’t be more, flopped down on the floor to drift off to sleep with a faint doggy smile of a job well done.

    • Kalima says:

      Happy Thanksgiving escribacat, sounds as if you had a very busy day.

      It doesn’t hurt the guys to help us to do things either in the kitchen or around the house, there might be times that they have to take care of themselves a few times in the future. Practice makes perfect. :)

      Sorry to hear about the accident, that sounds very painful. Hope she feels better soon.

      Your new girl learns fast, and is adorable I’m sure.

  5. Khirad says:

    Well, at the neighbors there’s a bit of a mix of people as always.

    One is a Vietnam Vet, whom is on the Republican side, I imagine (though I’d guess he registers Independent), but he’s okay to talk to. I actually like him. He likes some weird stuff, and is a great BS detector.

    Anyway, I overheard him talking with another and Bush was brought up: he just couldn’t believe that Bush had had nothing to regret, and that in his book, it was silly stuff he regretted.

    As to Palin, he wanted her to stop with the Momma Grizzly BS, and just plain couldn’t stand her -- I was surprised at how disgusted he was by her. I find this interesting, because, this is sort of how I gauge my pulse of the center-right. He said bluntly that the Republicans would have to nominate someone “reasonable” if they hoped to get more than 10% of the vote. Then they laughed about Barbara Bush’s comments. He said this all while throwing in a “now, I can’t stand Pelosi either, don’t get me wrong, but…”

    All this was after earlier today I saw this poll taken on the New York Daily News after Palin’s Korean slip of the tongue:

    [img]?w=616&h=294[/img]

    After my Thanksgiving dinner I found out that my grandma is in the hospital having minor heart attacks. I’ll be flying up tomorrow. Before this, my concern had been over a college football game tomorrow. Some Thanksgiving perspective, indeed. Now I’m packing my suitcase groggy and for the life of me trying to find warm clothes to wear for the Northwest. Makes even politics look trivial.

  6. Khirad says:

    This is actually great to look at to feel extra thankful.

    http://theobamadiary.com/

    Currently has pictures and videos of him doing thanksgiving type stuff.

    • choicelady says:

      Human kindness, overflowing… And they say that nothing has changed.

      Thank you, Khirad. Happy Thanksgiving!

    • Kalima says:

      Thanks Khirad. I was saddened to see how tired he looked, although it’s not in the least bit surprising.

    • AdLib says:

      I received the following Thanksgiving email message from Pres. Obama:

      When Michelle and I sit down with our family to give thanks today, I want you to know that we’ll be especially grateful for folks like you.

      Everything we have been able to accomplish in the last two years was possible because you have been willing to work for it and organize for it.

      And every time we face a setback, or when progress doesn’t happen as quickly as we would like, we know that you’ll be right there with us, ready to fight another day.

      So I want to thank you — for everything.

      I also hope you’ll join me in taking a moment to remember that the freedoms and security we enjoy as Americans are protected by the brave men and women of the United States Armed Forces. These patriots are willing to lay down their lives in our defense, and each of us owes them and their families a debt of gratitude.

      Have a wonderful day, and God bless.

      Barack

    • bitohistory says:

      That was nice, Khirad. Very nice.

  7. Khirad says:

    I’m thankful that for the first time in years I didn’t see any warnings over deep frying turkeys.

    Is that fad over? Or was it replaced with the pat down outrage?

    In any case, I’ll be heading over to the neighbors today. Let an Italian fix most of the food, I say. :-)

    • AdLib says:

      First you pat down your turkey then you force it to go through the body fryer.

      It’s still going on, frying turkeys, but the MSM may have gotten their fill of reporting on that by covering Tea Party candidate elections.

  8. AlphaBitch says:

    Happy Thanksgiving, dear Planetarians! Picked up the Baby Girl from airport last night; she was told a DRIVER had been hired to pick her up and drive her out to her host family’s ranch. Had the Blov wear big shades, fake moustache, and some REALLY bad Billy Bob teeth w/ gold caps (homage to the Beckster). He smiled at a group of young Muslim women coming from another flight; they were HORRIFIED and giggled all the way to baggage about the horrible looking guy.

    I hid behind a Safety (TSA??) guy to try and get Baby Girl’s reaction when she saw this weird guy holding up a sign w/ her name. As I explained to the back side of the Safety Man how we were trying to play a joke on my Afghan student by dressing my husband up in a creepy disguise, the Blov turned around and waved. The Safety Guy then turned around -- he had the SAME TYPE MOUSTACHE. My bad…….

    We got to the ranch at 1:00 AM. Slept till 6:00 AM, now headed for a ranch in the opposite direction.

    AND I have a “man cold” and can’t taste squat. All those calories to be consumed, and no flavor. This sucks.

    Happy T-day to all, and to all a good night. Or something like that.

  9. boomer1949 says:

    Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of my Planet friends!

  10. Questinia says:

    I’ll be wearing a snood, and dishing out vittles from steam trays. Working at a homeless shelter? No. I’m going with a “cafeteria theme” this holiday.

    • AdLib says:

      That’s funny, we’ll be working all day to make our Thanksgiving dinner then drive to Beverly Hills and give it to the wealthy, as a tribute to this year’s voters.

  11. Questinia says:

    Happy Thanksgiving to all and special to Fearless Leader!

    Yours truly,

    Natasha and Boris.

  12. Mightywoof says:

    Oops -- double post -- how’d that happen??

  13. Mightywoof says:

    Happy Thanksgiving to all my Plantet friends! May your turkey be moist, your stuffing just right, your pumpkin pies just sublime and your company joyous!!

    North of the line we celebrated back in October -- a fading memory now :LOL:

  14. Kalima says:

    Happy Thanksgiving to ALL of you, and thanks for sticking around The Planet with us.

    I’m not awake enough to list all the things I’m thankful for, but waking up would be one of them.

    Don’t eat too much turkey, stuffing and pie now, and have a wonderful day tomorrow, wherever you might be spending it.

    Hair transplants, eh? 😉


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