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AdLib On July - 6 - 2010

The Earth’s head has got to be spinning. Humans are filling its seas with oil, chemicals, waste and massive islands of pollution, the process of mining natural gas is poisoning our ground water, rainforests and old growth trees are being razed at a dizzying speed, the ozone layer is being destroyed by a never ending spewing of CO².

The Earth has gotta be thinking about humanity, “Man, what total assholes!”

Perhaps we’ve been looking at the state of our environment in the totally wrong way.  We look at the damage done by the acquisition and usage of fossil fuels and conclude that what we need to do to solve this problem is seek renewable and less polluting sources of energy. Blocking the way for this though are the people who have profited from and been bought off by those who have profited from the plundering of the Earth.

Oil was around for millions of years, it’s existence  never harmed the Earth before. Oil, coal, natural gas, etc. are not the cause of our problems, it is the people mentioned above and their companies that are. We need two things, we need to move to non-polluting renewable fuels and we need to get these enemies of doing so out of the way.

So, my proposal is that we re-engineer the ethanol process so that we can use those humans who stand in the way of progress as the organic material from which ethanol is derived. We can call it, Soylent Green Power! Or maybe just People Power!

Think of how much energy could be converted from the average, obese pro-Republican! All those dimpled calories just bursting to get out! And those slimy oil company and Wall Street execs would be an energy bonanza! We could simultaneously solve the energy, corporate and population-related issues that are endangering the planet and if anyone complains, just ask them if they liked “The Matrix” because it’s kind of like that.

Want a Tiger in your tank? Let’s add celebrities who cheat on their wives to the list! And we could give the Tea Partiers an immediate way to shrink government, turn them from obnoxiously rude into valuable crude which would reduce the population in their communities and thus reduce the number of US Representatives there! It’s a win-win!

People could list on their Driver’s Licenses whether they wanted to donate their organs or the amount of fuel they’re converted into. Sorry Dr. Kervorkian but euthanasia could be conveniently performed at your local BP station, mourners attending a wake could receive an oil change and tune up with each service, driving away with a remembrance of their loved one every time they stepped on the gas.

Gas bags like Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh could power fleets of buses in major cities for years. Take that socialism! That would be 100% American made fuel!

All of these enemies of progress and a life sustaining Earth could simply be told straight up, “Ask not what biofuels can do for you but what you can do for biofuels.”

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

36 Responses so far.

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  1. dildenusa says:

    It seems that BP’s good time buddy in the deep sea drilling business has a few skeletons in it’s closet.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/08/business/global/08ocean.html?_r=1

    • kesmarn says:

      Wow. That is some impressive reporting by Barry Meiers, dildenusa.

      “Oh, what a tangled web we weave…”

      The sheer complexity of their dirty dealings is amazing. What sort of devious mind(s) at the top could come up with so many shady moves? Don’t like the tax structure involved in being a Houston-based company? Move the headquarters to the Cayman Islands. Better yet — Switzerland! Have to get your corporate hands a little dirty by dealing with money laundering heroin dealers? Not a problem. Just the cost of doing business.

      Transocean, BP and Halliburton are about due for a spin on the karma wheel.

  2. bitohistory says:

    You think you have seen some terrible results from natural gas exploration ❓ ❗ Watch this short ❗

    http://www.globalpost.com/video/indonesia/100606/mud-volcano

    • whatsthatsound says:

      That is such a heartbreaking, mind boggling and gut wrenching story! Indonesia is a beautiful country with wonderful people. And the haves their just run things for their own benefit. Stories like this are playing out all over the “third” world. (Ironic term, isn’t that? We don’t get a third, or even a second, world! We are rapidly destroying this one with no back up plan).
      Just awful.

      • bitohistory says:

        WTS, I just watched the clip again. There is the section where the layer for the victims is saying that justice can be bought or “arraigned” there if one has enough money or political power.

        Flash to the court ruling from yesterday on the deep water drilling in the gulf. All the judges are connected to the oil & gas industry and they decide to NOT stop 33 wells and give us a chance to figure out how to avoid another atrocity.

        Like you say, to them we have 2-3-4 worlds to destroy. Maybe, like Indonesia, the investigation needs to be on the justice department, not the gas & oil companies.

    • kesmarn says:

      Gosh. I feel so sorry for the incredibly wealthy family who created this massive disaster. They said they really would like to be able to compensate all those home/farm owners for the property they buried in mud…but — you see — this has been a bad year for the global economy…and then there was that $100,000 wedding to pay for and all…
      Well, you know what they say about good intentions.

      :roll:

    • Kalima says:

      A few days ago I said we should revolt. Never with guns or violence, just with our hearts.

  3. bitohistory says:

    Will it reduce this carbon footprint?

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  4. choicelady says:

    Back in the 50s, who knew that the real call was not “Power TO the People” but “Power FROM the People”????

    I had thought I’d have myself cremated, but now you bring it up, maybe I should find one of those depleted oil deposits and just have myself slid in to decompose and help the world? I’d find one that was easy to drill, posed no harm to the environment, and help replenish the supply fairly quickly. I understand there is a process called pyrolysis that can squish garbage into oil and get more energy than it consumes, so maybe I can do that -- get squished to become oil. Wonder how many barrels I’d make? Not a lot compared to some.

    Saw a great headline: “Obesity swells in America.” Can’t dispute that.WTS is right -- all that O’Hare lard should think about “giving it up for the home team” and turning themselves into oil, too. If it takes more gasoline to ferry around a 400-pound guy, then should he not contribute back at the end?

    If we’re headed for oil depletion, then it should be every person’s call to do his or her part to help supply future generations. For the squeamish we should not that dinosaurs probably did not envision ending up in a gas tank either. Get over it.

  5. whatsthatsound says:

    Somebody ought to be able to figure out a way to do this that doesn’t harm anyone. Seriously! The extra lard walking around O’Hare airport on any given day could fuel half the flights that take off from there!
    There are people out there in our Land of Trans Fat that look like they forgot to take off their Jabba The Hut costume after Halloween. THEY certainly don’t need that blubber; far from it. And everybody else does!
    Just think how great it would be. They could show off their new slim bodies on clean, unspoiled beaches.

    Donate Your Blubber Today!
    It’s for a good cause.

  6. PatsyT says:

    Just what happens to those big empty spaces left after they remove the oil?
    Do they just sit there and behave themselves?
    What happens to that vacuum ?

  7. kesmarn says:

    If we could use John Boehner’s cell phone GPS to locate his stall in the House restroom (or the one at the bar where he spends much longer hours) we could process all the alcohol he “puts out” in liquid form (after minimal “processing”) and power at least half of DC.

    Or, we could invent a tanning booth in which the tannee had to pedal furiously to power his tanning lights as well as the Capitol grid.

    Side note: had to love Bill Clinton’s wry wit when he commented on the Gulf situation (after he made a lot of sensible observations, of course): “I have to hand it to the BP scientists who found that oil deposit. Those guys know how to find oil!!”

    • AdLib says:

      Maybe we could invent the Boehner Tanning Booth which uses alcohol to power itself.

      The only problem is that it will only tan you on your far right side.

      • boomer1949 says:

        Something has bugged me for months about Boehner — beyond the no brainer issues that is. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it until alcohol was mentioned the other day.

        Light bulb moment!

        It’s his eyes, and I’ve seen those eyes before. I saw those eyes for years. They’re the eyes of my father…my father was, is, and always will be an Alcoholic.

        • kesmarn says:

          boomer, I feel for you. Those kinds of light bulb moments are not usually the happy kind.

          I think Barack Obama is profoundly bugged by Boehner as well — on a sort of visceral level. I get it.

      • kesmarn says:

        I’d like to tan his far right side….

        👿

  8. Kalima says:

    Hello!

    Just had some boiled soya beans, great, does that count?

    Wonderful post as usual and thank you.

    About “natural gas bags” been saying the same thing for years, meet them so often, don’t know how to throw them off. Gas is plentiful, without digging. Palin, Beckie and Lush, kiss my lily-white German arse, you are not the America I know and love.

    I missed a whole day on MB, missed a date, it was the 6th, sorry. 😳

    • AdLib says:

      Exactly, boiled soya beans is exactly who I was talking about!

      Thanks!

      You and MB are always missed but you’ve earned many, many days of vacation for all your wonderful work. Whatever you’re being paid for blogging here, they should double it!


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