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Vituperation On January - 5 - 2010

This piece was done back in 03. I was just finished with 5 months of inpatient treatment for addiction when I moved into a half-way house to acclimate myself to the world once again. One of the things that came back to life while I was going through this process was my art. The disease had almost taken that as well as everything else by the time I was detoxing. Be that as it may, I slowly began to see that my recovery was essentially a recovery of relationships. I had to ask the question what was going to be different this time since it was my fifth treatment. My concept of relationships would be different this time. It was like putting things in order: 1) relationship with Universe 2) relationship with self and 3) relationship with others. I guess I’d never seen it like that before. I’d always thought relationships were something I acquired when I was lonely. Everything else was a commodity I consumed. I digress. Please forgive me.

So while I worked my way through the months of program I also collected a bunch of gel pens on my weekly visits to Wal-Mart (not my choice – I’d much prefer Dick Blick). So with the little money I had, I’d put a buck in the basket and a couple bucks into gel pens. I had a good collection after a few months. I wasted no time putting these nifty pens to work. Sure I made the pictures for attention there in the unit where I stayed, but moreover I did it because of my new found relationship with my art which seemed to be flowing into me from the Universe. It flowed out onto the paper. My job was to hold onto the pen and enjoy the show. I think for the first time in my life I began to feel joy. Then it was time to do more groups. 

This picture is just one of a bunch that I did back then. After I got onto this thing about relationships I began to focus on cats because I like them and I missed my two cats which I had to give up when moving into my new dig up there in the secluded woods of my rehab. I did the cat pictures as a way of honoring them and also exploring relationships in the process. It’s almost 7 years since that time: seems more like 7 months. Well, okay – a year and 7 months but not 7 years. I’m still clean and that is simply the new relationship I have with my chemicals. Call it a boundary but it is also a gift. One that flows into me from the Universe and really all I have to do is hold onto it and enjoy the show. I can call it joy I suppose for a lack of better words. My relationship with art – there are no words to describe it. Beauty is like that. No – not my work silly: that power from the Universe.

Categories: Speakers' Corner

18 Responses so far.

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  1. Chernynkaya says:

    Vituperation, as a fellow artist let me tell you, you not only have much talent but have probably found your salvation. I am sure you realize how art can save you--how it saves us all. Thank you so much for your art, your courage, and for giving that to us.

  2. AlphaBitch says:

    V: Congratulations on being such a gifted artist, and an even bigger congratulations on your struggle for sobriety! I know far too many artists/musicians who have lost their struggle. While I miss them, there are times I miss the things that they COULD have done just as much, were they able to get to where you are today. Thank you for your honesty. It is a gift.

  3. VegasBabe says:

    Wow. If that were for purchase, I’d buy it in a heartbeat. The colors are breathtaking and this is indeed the kinda art I like. It’s beautfiul dude. oh wait, maybe your a girl. Whatever, I like it. And congratulations on your seven years of sobriety. I think that challenge is a one day at a time kinda deal, yes? Well here’s hoping you’ve got 70 more years ahead of delightful artistry, good times, peace and contentment! Happy New Year!

  4. BigDogMom says:

    Beautiful, your brilliance show through in this piece.

  5. Khirad says:

    Love it. Getting in touch with the creative side after self-medicating can be really hard, to listen to your inner self and get in touch with yourself and the universe again. I had my own period of this in my early 20’s. Fortunately, I found help before hitting rock-bottom, and did a stint in the program. It was an incredible learning and growing experience.

    I think for the first time in my life I began to feel joy.

    That line resonated with me. I know of what you speak.

    Thanks for your honest contribution. You can see a process of recovery in your work. Very bright and hopeful. Captures what relationships should be about, as well. We need to work on our relationship with ourselves, first. I think society at large could benefit from these lessons. Your story also reminds me of the movie 28 Days.

  6. TheRarestPatriot says:

    Anon,

    I think in a few ways you and I have more than a couple of truths in common. I, myself, have just discovered art and creativity as the reality I need to live in. This new expression has allowed me an outlet to offer true emotion, pride, anger, love, contempt and dreams. I imagine you have had similar feelings about your expressions and art. Sometimes it ‘saves’ you…redeems you in a way. As a straight guy with a soul now committed to the arts, the 2nd half of my life is going to be a real journey. LOL~
    I’m looking forward to forging a new friendship with you over the weeks to come. (13 years sober and lately have been visited by some serious triggers that have almost won me back…) You have true friends here….

  7. Emerald1943 says:

    Beautiful, absolutely beautiful! Both the story and the art!

    You are very brave. I salute you on the continuation of your journey! This life is, after all, a very intense journey! By all means, enjoy the trip!

  8. AdLib says:

    Wow! So wonderfully vibrant!

    Thanks for “hanging” your and your daughter’s art on our walls! Adds so much to the place!

  9. abby4ever says:

    I will tell you something: that art of yours, is breathtaking, and so is your courage.

  10. escribacat says:

    That is absolutely gorgeous, vit. Congrats on seven years too. I’m proud to say I’m going on 21 years myself, clean and sober.

  11. Hopeington says:

    I logged in just to comment on this.
    Very Impressive and Beautiful.
    Like wild and crazy cat aura’s, I’m lovin it!

  12. PatsyT says:

    Love all that color !

    You have gone on one of the most difficult journeys a human can attempt.
    Good for you and even better that you can express yourself about these things with words and art.

  13. bitohistory says:

    Vitu, That is a wonderful piece of both writing and artwork. Congratulations on your 7 years and 7 months!
    Beautiful thoughts and insight. Thank You.

  14. whatsthatsound says:

    I love it! It’s beautiful!


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