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AuntieChrist On November - 16 - 2009

However, any mistake in mere expression or arrangement is excusable; but when you come to fancy geography, differing from the other not by miles or leagues, but by whole days’ journeys, where is the classical model for that? One writer has taken so little trouble with his facts–never met a Syrian, I suppose, nor listened to the stray information you may pick up at the barber’s–, that he thus locates Europus:–‘Europus lies in Mesopotamia, two days’ journey from the Euphrates, and is a colony from Edessa.’ Not content with that, this enterprising person has in the same book taken up my native Samosata and shifted it, citadel, walls, and all, into Mesopotamia, giving it the two rivers for boundaries, and making them shave past it, all but touching the walls on either side. I suspect you would laugh at me, Philo, if I were to set about convincing you that I am neither Parthian nor Mesopotamian, as this whimsical colony-planter makes me.

– paragraph 24 from How To Write History by Lucian

IraqGone

I smiled in amusement as I read that passage above.  There’s so much to learn and enjoy from reading history.  When I read Lucian’s account of the “whimsical colony-planter” I was reminded of FOX and how they made a country (Iraq) totally disappear from the face of the earth on a map which they showed this summer.  They can claim it was an accident, but then they sure do have a lot of those… Honestly, how does ONE network hire so many people who lack any semblance of functioning gray matter?  Does Rupert Murdoch have minions trolling the restrooms of the creation museum — looking for those who can’t figure out how to get the tissue off of their shoes to sign a contract?

And he does this out of the kindness of his heart.  Of course, that’s it.

That, so far, is the only plausible answer that I can come up with — the other being too far fetched — that Rupert Murdoch is EVIL.

For certainly, if such a man who is so highly vested in all things conservative, so aligned with the matters of church and state; then most certainly this crusader of Christendom, if he were evil, would not all the voices on earth which are now trapped in their mortal frames, would those voices not take up as one to the heavens as they ring out in protest against such wickedness?  Would not the leaders from the churches have condemned him?

They never turn a blind eye to injustice.  Child molesting priests?  The church has shifted from such ill abuses.  Quite literally — Priests have been relocated all over the world.

There’s also God himself –Calm down, take a deep breath… I did *not* call God a relocated child molester.  That was the line above about Priests.

Of God, didn’t Jules, of Pulp Fiction say of him, “I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.  And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”

While it may be true that Jules’ made up verse is not, when has a fact like that ever mattered to fundamentalists?

Let the reader understand, I’m not advocating violence, I’m just stating that I just don’t understand all the inconsistencies.

Why should conservatives pray that our President, who wishes to bring this nation together, why should they pray for such a good man – a family man who has done no harm to this country — why should they pray for him to fail or to be harmed?  Yet… Murdoch? You would think that Murdoch would be their public enemy number one!  When Murdoch passes,  I hope it’s due to natural causes and not incited by violence  – I say ‘if’ because in my heart of hearts I believe that he’ll consume the essence of the innocent to survive – He’ll be one of the first Morlochs.

Eloimurdoch

Hmmm…. Rupert Morloch… Mitt Romney’s zealous followers should watch The Time Machine and be warned.  The Morloch’s feasted pretty well on those dim-witted Eloi.  If you haven’t seen the movie or read the book in a while, then you’d know that the angel Moroni is the air raid siren who will blow his trumpet to lead the all blonde Mormons to the temple – to be feasted upon by the rich.

moroni

That should get the tin foil sales up from any passing visitors from Huff.

If someone can figure out where Rupert is hiding his cache of younglings from which he’s feasting, they may be able to save said younglings from being consumed — and thus save the future from FOX.

Such would be a day to remember even more words of Lucian:

Eulogy, I need hardly say, may possibly please one person, the eulogized, but will disgust every one else; this is particularly so with the monstrous exaggerations which are in fashion; the authors are so intent on the patron-hunt that they cannot relinquish it without a full exhibition of servility; they have no idea of finesse, never mask their flattery, but blurt out their unconvincing bald tale anyhow.

So much can be learned from history, yet so little is read by the very people who should be anxious to study about it — after all, their messiah, their man-god of some two thousand years past, would they not want to know of his life and times his historical background?  What is it that they fear from studying history?

For that matter, what is it that they fear from studying the words of their own messiah?  Those words recorded in the gosepls.

Why is it that education is so reviled?  Why is it up to us to ask the questions?

How can people be so incurious and intellectually lazy?

Is this a human condition, or does FOX have their process down to a science?

I wonder if Murdoch has ever approached Warner Bros. with the offer to buy Hanna-Barbera Productions from them.

Can you imagine FOX running The Flintstones as a comedy/family/documentary for their masses?

“The horror… the horror”

– Colonel Walter E. Kurtz

Apocalypse Now

[Apologies for the late edits… I lost them last night the first time around when I thought they had saved]

Categories: Humor, Iraq, The Media

17 Responses so far.

Click here to leave a comment
  1. Khirad says:

    Not the most familiar with Lucian, but I can date that just from the mention of Parthia. Looked him up, I was right.

    They even made the boldness of the font for Iran look menacing, or as much as you can sans serif, at least.

    Bibi getting permission to fly over Egypt might be a little trickier though.

    I too like reading the classics from time to time. However much we may change, satire has long been nearly universal throughout the expanse of both geography and time.

  2. AdLib says:

    LOL!

    Actually, Murdoch seems more like a Hanna Barbera character, like the evil old man who wags his finger at those “meddling kids” in Scooby Doo.

    Only Murdoch is more one-dimensionally evil.

  3. escribacat says:

    That map is priceless and AC, your question, “How can people be so incurious and intellectually lazy?” is perfect. But I suppose we’re being the “liberal elite” by asking it, eh?

  4. VegasBabe says:

    Well Done AC. I love your wit!

  5. HITO says:

    Good Morning All. Auntie that was wonderful.

    Reminded me of when McCain erroneously thought Iraq shared a border with Pakistan. A presidential candidate making that kind of mistake just blew my mind. Here’s a link to remember it by:

    http://crooksandliars.com/2008/07/21/foreign-policy-expert-mccain-iraq-pakistan-border-extremely-dangerous#comment-704289

    Having never posted a link, I hope this posts OK.

  6. Kalima says:

    The accompanying map with your post had me in stitches, thank you. It reminded me of the time years ago when I read about students in the U.S. being asked to point to countries without the names shown on a map of the world. The results were piss poor but when one bright spark was asked which language was spoken in Japan and answered, Chinese, I was gobsmacked for a moment, then cringed.

  7. KQuark says:

    Bravo! Bravo! Excellent piece of wit as usual AC. I have to admit I have evil thoughts from time to time. I too wonder when specifically Murdoch will meet his just rewards peacefully in his sleep. Does that make me evil?

    No one person has had a more negative impact on American political culture than Murdoch. In my opinion the worst part is now the left is trying to clone a mirror image of his style “journalism”. At one time I too thought we need a counterpart to Faux News but I was wrong. I’m pouring out an imaginary sip of my 40oz malt liquor for my fallen homey the fourth estate.


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